A bit of how I got into this mess...
I've been avoiding writing, or reaching out to any boarder tech community. It's mostly informed out...
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Although I cannot answer all the questions, I'll take a stab at some that I can speak to.
Sounds like you are currently doing some web development — mainly front end or backend or both? Would you like to continue at that level in the stack or are you interested in moving either higher or lower. If it's the latter, that's something I can help point in the right direction.
One silver lining of the pandemic is that most companies and communities are way more open to remote collaboration. So, I wouldn't worry too much — for now — about the geographical distance, although eventually you may find that you want to move to a more tech-centric city.
Find other trans persons who have been there and struggled like you. You will get not only advice, but also listeniong, understanding and emotional support.
Ouch, depressionn is tough.
Don't ask yourself how you can perform as well as the others while having depression, it's impossible.
Think about the smallest step you feel able to do now and then do it. If you can't do it, don't beat yourself up, you will do it tomorrow. Take one day after the other, one baby step after one baby step.