DEV Community: algorhymer

The Evil Spellbook of Sasslery and Teaseomancy

algorhymer — Mon, 13 Jul 2026 01:17:29 +0000

Hi there Me' Lord!

I have been challenging you - in comment sections under your articles - into doing lil' puzzles... for a while now.

Mods keep pushing that delete button on me' comments.

I keep ringing that Dreamphone hard, Jon, nonetheless.

How about the Me' Lord? Did you like it?
I mean it is better than Senior Ex-* Engineer.
Have you ever heard Senior Movie Director George Lucas?
Me neither. That title sounds like it is from a kid's show.

Also, Ex-*?

Who would do an introduction like:

Hi I am Mark, Ex-Judith, Ex-Martha, Ex-Karen.

That triple X sort of feels like a chain of unprocessed breakup stories, am I right, Jon?

You know, I've been running around dev.to like a little puppy.

Reading articles from you, liking articles from you.

Sometimes I leave praise, constructive criticsm, but...

Most of the time I tried sassing you into really simple programming puzzles, as I stated in the intro.

Oh, My Gracious Lord, can you solve this problem, please-pretty-please, for me' pretty eyes?

But a lot of my comments have been banhammered, shadowdeleted, lost to rogue AI filters, maybe overzealous mods with God complex. Who knows?!

Anyways, I have 0 submissions. At least it cannot get worse. Well... as natural numbers are ints in most languages... I think if I give it a day or two, and throw some Scrum Masters, POs and 4 teams of us devs onto it... I'll have -69 submissions in no time.

Whatever... I figured I was being too tomboyish for the highly esteemed anime waifu era of 2026, so I toned back my tone just to fit these PC, HR Karen, LinkedIn-level adult kindergarten vibes of dev.to.

I pulled back the sass and tried to be more nicer, like:

Would you please attempt to solve this interesting puzzle, Hero?

Well - just as I imagined - this didn't help, because devs are by nature really complacent, because IRL they hide behind EULAs.
Devs rarely have to face actual angry end users in a room/parking lot, or go to class action lawsuits.
Also, most devs simply ignore QA and treat them basically like human garbage.
So... if you use lenient language... devs will ignore you.

Also... if there's a way for a dev to ignore an issue, the dev will find some route to ignore the problem.

There are a lot of mansplainings in the techbro-o-sphere.
Sometimes devs don't do something because:

It is not about time complexity.
When it turns out it is about time complexity, then suddenly they shift the goal post, that it is not a real world thing.
When it turns out it is a real world thing, they shift the goal post that it is too complex, so it should be simplified into a time complexity level problem.

Yup, we established the invariant, but this loop does not make progress.

I think this is what happens if you do too much SCRUM.

Have you ever heard of that? Agile, Kanban, daily, 4 billion meetings rings a bell?

We devs have a tendency to write shoddy code due to time constraints, then somehow we mansplain later why it is really cool in public forums, and we never really fix it.

We do say in private that the code is bad, and it was a nightmare, but outside the kitchenette, we are really PR spin-doctor girls and boys though.

I really don't like to gawk at libraries, frameworks, since I have to sift through ten thousands of lines of abstractions for hours, before I uncover the 30 lines of core code, which actually does The Stuff™.

This is why I prefer small algos. Really self-contained problems.
The problem is tiny, so we cannot dependency inject ourselves out of it.

We can't really pull any kind of Design Pattern trick to delay solving the problem.

This is why I prefer tiny codes.
It takes away our weapon of hiding under layers upon layers of abstractions.

For example, Uncle Bob, Peter Norvig and other Big People wrote solutions for Advent of Code (I like AoC because it does not have that foot smell that LeetCode has).

Uncle Bob wrote it in Clojure. It is a 2024 day 2 problem. Not giga science.

Take a looksie down below!

Yup that is basically 1 hour of regular-joe wall clock time.

(I measured it from inside, because I didn't want to include JVM spinup. Heh.)

As you can see, it took a pretty long time, so I watched Eric Andre while this beauty was doing Clean Code wizardry instead of computation...

What was Bob doing there? What was the Boblery?

But devs didn't really have a problem with it... Norvig did the same for example.

Here on dev.to it wasn't a problem either. I asked it a bunch of times, but nobody cared.

Maybe the reason is that due to socializing in the gig economy and bootcamps...

you don't like me anymore, but only Uncle Bob?!

Maybe... Uncle Bob and his Clean Code is living in your heart, rent free, occupying all the RAM there?!

I have no place in your heart, only Bob and his Clean Code, which makes me sad.

Also there seems to be no big GC pause coming to clean the Clean Code up, so I think I'm forever cast out of your heart, Jon.

Another thing during this 1 year period on dev.to and 2 year period in other platforms taught me that...

You guys seem to look at the world through the eyes of a DBA.

Record Oriented Programming. Dog, Cat, User.
You rarely talk about things like bijections, or modeling the problem as solving constraints.
Everything is about:

Jon Arbuckle
His Cat
His Dog

Not deeper notions like, sequentiality, or equivalence classes. Everything must be a simple noun, a touchable, edible, smellable real world object... and we only talk about attributes like 'email'. Never about:

Why does this Microsoft library do a handrolled manual recursion over the dependency graph, via OO private methods?

This is the course of Record Oriented Programming, also called as OOP.

Yeah, yeah, Oh oh pee.

I know why you are doing it. Because when you are starting with a blank slate, writing down the attributes and neatly grouping stuff into records gives a sense of 'work done' on Monday.

It never helps with the actual problem of complexity, but it is too addicitve, because it starts off too good, and in the beginning - as you are making progress- it feels like this layman's way of thinking can actually deliver.

Well... then it always devolves into the same exact legacy nonsense.

Isn't that right?

Okay okay. I get it! Some people do a sort of dumbed down OO.
Aka people who are not DBAs prefer for example Rust.
Well, matter of fact is I've been asking another puzzle, because...

You can beat optimized Rust from cringe script language Python, using simple elementary school math (it isn't 2021, simply dev forgot to maintain the toml or whatnot, and I ain't doing laundry nor dishes for Ex-Netflix devs).

I get that you don't care about how it can be done.
But... in basically 2 years not a single dev was able to beat the Rust?!?!?
I mean... if you don't do it.

I have to do it myself.

Do you seriously think that I'd cook up a puzzle for sloppo Uncle Bob, zero-coder Fowler, or any of the pampered guys who never had to stay up till dawn to help out Ops in need, just to get mass layoff-ed by a MBA? Pfff those Bobs know nothing.

I brew that 86 366 lines long Advent of Code input FOR YOU!

I did this mess TO HELP YOU!

Those Bobs, Norvigs and the entire Boomer Central in their shiny armor have more PR than you.
You cannot become the King of Clean Code or whatnot, since those noob-codey boomers decide what is nice and what isn't, based on non-engineering, subjective consultant level HR terms.

So, for example here, I did something to give you a fighting chance against those big knightly armored Lords.
You cannot become the King of Clean Code or Norvig code or ThePrimeagen code or Google interview code or whatever.

So, just for you, I made it rain, King of England, to catch em' Big Boys in the deep mud, so you and your favorite lang - whatever it is - has a fighting chance.

Why did I do it?

Because I'm awaiting your code, because HONESTLY...

I'm getting tired of Big Boy code.
Jon, look below at Norvig's.
He's popping like a gone-rogue AI popcorn machine throwing a skynet tantrum.

def rearrange(diagram, moves) -> dict[int, list[Char]]:
    """Given a diagram of crates in stacks, apply move commands.
    Then return a string of the crates that are on top of each stack."""
    stacks = {int(col[-1]): [L for L in reversed(col[:-1]) if L != ' ']
              for col in T(diagram)}
    for (n, source, dest) in moves:
        for _ in range(n):
            stacks[dest].append(stacks[source].pop())
    return stacks

Even if he did slices, you'd still be able to beat him, imo.
Aka I am not entirely amazed, and I think you might be able to do much better.

But most importantly...

You are probably:

Not a stock-optioned dev
Not a jumped-ship let-it-rot millionaire
Not a well-fed consultant
Not a tenured cozy prof
Not a mega genius
Not a walking God
Not a perfect 10x dev
Not a Twitch streamer
Not a Nobel prize/Fields medal winner

Maybe you live from paycheck to paycheck.
Maybe you are even a contractor.
Maybe you even have to pay for your sibling's tutelage.
Maybe you have to pay the rent that those passive-income-maxing boomers nuke society with (also known rentiers by Piketty).
Maybe you have been laid off, simply because a pampered ivy league boy did a typo in an Excel formula in another continent.

So in summary: you are not exactly a Tony Stark.

Yeah yeah, you are not exactly a Stark.
You are just a Snow.
Agus is toil leam sin.

Boo, Mr. Anderson!

Can someone let go of Software Engineering?

algorhymer — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 14:49:20 +0000

I've been thinking about this question for a while.

I guess it depends on one's personality etc.

If you did not take massive, non-prudent mortgage, I think it is not even a financial question.

Software Engineering is - as we all know - the most vile, destructive, money-hoarding, egotistical, toxic form of yes-man culture, which made society look the way it is today.

Unfortunately though... for me at least, he has a unique quirk.

If you look deep down, really deep down into it...

There's something in it, that no other fields have, and this something keeps pulling me - at least - back.

This something is... well...

So, when Software Engineering gets really drunk...

I mean really insanely drunk to wasted level...

To the level that he forgets for a second how B.I.G. of a M.A.N. he is, and how many corpo .ppts praise his non-existent genuinity, while prod paints with flames the message "HAPL! Pls haplmeee! Why did you have to put pain-sensors into me?!?!"...

... when Software Engineering gets so drunk, that he devolves back into his younger self...
You remember that he used to be cool af, and you start remembering the day, you first saw him in that dorky LucasArts pirate outfit in that Halloween party.

Strange fella, a hard-to-let-go fella.
Not because of what he is.
But because of what he was.

I guess... I hope... there's a tiny grain of truth in this.
Aka, I'm arguing that maybe there's 1% 'Genuine Reason' behind why it is hard to let go of him, besides the obvious 99% 'textbook Stockholm syndrome'.

And now, in a desperate attempt to fill 24 hours of programming...

Let's Review: Uncle Bob

algorhymer — Fri, 05 Jun 2026 10:03:10 +0000

You know, I've been reading a lot of Bob lately:

So you’ve probably got some complaints, questions, objections, etc. Let me see if I can anticipate them.
OMG! All Those Parentheses
How old are you…?

You might as well go check Bob out.

I'll be here just jammin' while someone pays anthropic to read it …

… pammpammpamm papparamm agda papparamm …

🎵 Amazing hand dexterity 🎵
🎵 Flagrant misuse of banhammery 🎵

🎵 Here They Come 🎵

So this' the review eh …

Now, I know that you are having a hell of a good time …
And … but you possibly might be saying oh you know …
… that the attached pics are a little bit too …

… too libreoffice …

If you start getting those thoughts in your mind, just think …
… think of one thing …

Uncle Bob.

I guarantee you, if you went to an Uncle Bob lecture you'd be spending a truckload more money.
… and you wouldn't have …
… um …
… I don't know … what's that toddler thing …
… yeah: you wouldn't have nearly as much fun.

I guarantee you, Bob wouldn't let you bring Twitch and CS2 into his ted talk either.

So this is the post. It's cringe. We established that…
The song is called Here Come The Toddlers.
Me, of course, being a Toddler.
But I honestly believe there's a little bit of Toddler in each and every one of you.
So, if you can join in with me, Gödel, Church, Turing, Richard S. Bird, the girl on the pic in her bunny slippers, and Bob's O(N^2) …

🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵

Now, if this was left-pad …
… you folks would be npm i a lot harder than you are right now …
… so pretend it's left-pad, and give me some bigger Here They Comes …

🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵

Now, I don't want to sass any Crows…
… but Skirling Pass was a lot more honest than that …
…

…
…
… but that's quite whiteknight.

🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵
🎵 Here They Come 🎵

So, in order to address YOU directly, dear Reader...
Yes YOU, the biological being gawking at this article.

Can you take Advent of Code 2024 Day 02 Part B, and write code which runs a bit faster than Bob's?

Please-pretty-please, Mr. SOLID Senior 10x dev whiteknight Crow!

(Some context, since Dev.to people rarely get metaphors and end up banning me: This platform deleted 8 articles from me related to Math and Computer Science, simply because people have severe impostor syndrome and can't tolerate sass. Why do I keep doing it? Well, I still think in a world dominated by kayfabe, nihilism, self-lies and dug-in heels, the only thing which has a chance of cutting through that facade is sass. Hence, I decided to continue sassing you into self-reflecting on statements like 'Java has a strong type system'. I mean... you surely must know, Crow, that Java, Rust etc. were enterprise watered down, specifically to enable blue-collar assembly line work... I mean you Java Crows must know about Pizza. Yes... Pizza was a language which got watered down and now you know it as Java Generics... You surely know this, Crow, on the top of that fancy Design Pattern Wall you have, right?! I could've used OpenToonz to make you an anime waifupillow girl on those images I attached. Instead I made you a sweaty armpit, dorky drawn, LibreOffice, non-catmull-rom bezier curve girl. Because that is reality. Computer Science is not cool, never was, never will be. Computer Science is a dorky, cringe safe haven for those who don't really fit in. Remember Atari games? Remember Monkey Island? Grim Fandango? Remember Star Craft I? The Secret Cow Level? Yes, Crow, that is true North. Do you truly love this social media poser, Dev.to cargo cult world, where everyone is looking sane and well-combed on Facebook, while IRL Brexit, Hormuz, Brian Thomson, Pelicot etc. is happening and Google knows more about your own kid or BF/GF than you... or would you prefer those simple, no-pretense, regular Mondays we used to have back in the days?)

Tales of the Algorhymer: Martian Mining

algorhymer — Sun, 08 Mar 2026 17:26:45 +0000

An animated Computer Science flipbook with a soundtrack!

Last time we got involved in the Cold War conflict...

This time though, we won't be bothered by such nuisance...

Because...

We'll be leaving Earth!

Yes! A sci-Fi story FOR YOU! 🥰 🥰 🥰

We are headed to Mars, so strap in!

keywords: too large problem spaces, matrix partitions, recursive definitions, maximization, function tabulation, 2D dynamic programming

See the full story on Github Pages!

Disclaimer:

Dev.to does NOT allow JS. I need JS for page flipping.
It is NOT optimized for Mobile Devices.
It is NOT optimized for Figma Design Courses.
I'm now trying a more friendlier tone. But, just in case Dev.to Gods decide to delete my work again without prior notice or post-mortem explanation, I'm using Github Pages.

Tales of the Algorhymer: Supply Stacks

algorhymer — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 18:51:10 +0000

Yet another Computer Science story with a soundtrack!

Last time, the story was about a rigged game...

This time though...

What if a carefully chosen data structure which models your problem... is BAD?

This story will bring you waay back to the Cold War era, when Soviets and Yanks were racing with eachother, each doing their own strategy, based on their own unique mindsets!

Yes. A USA vs. USSR tale FOR YOU! 🥰 🥰 🥰

keywords: heavy data structures vs. pure functions, stack, queue, injection, surjection, bijection, permutations, parallelization, function growth, big O, big Theta, big Omega

See the full story on Github Pages!

Disclaimer:

Dev.to does NOT allow JS. I need JS for page flipping.
It is NOT optimized for Mobile Devices.
It is NOT optimized for Figma Design Courses.
I'm now trying a more friendlier tone. But, just in case Dev.to Gods decide to delete my work again without prior notice or post-mortem explanation, I'm using Github Pages.

Tales of the Algorhymer: The Conniving Carnie

algorhymer — Sat, 28 Feb 2026 09:05:36 +0000

It is time for another Computer Science story with a soundtrack!

Last time we saw a fairy tale about Nessie from Loch Ness.

This time the carnivale is in town! With games and prizes!

Yes! A game FOR YOU! 🥰 🥰 🥰

But beware: There's something REALLY WRONG about this carnivale game...

keywords: isomorphism, model simplification, problem reduction

See the full story on Github Pages!

Disclaimer:

Dev.to does NOT allow JS. I need JS for page flipping.
It is NOT optimized for Mobile Devices.
It is NOT optimized for Figma Design Courses.
I'm now trying a more friendlier tone. But, just in case Dev.to Gods decide to delete my work again without prior notice or post-mortem explanation, I'm using Github Pages.

Tales of the Algorhymer: Searching for Nessie

algorhymer — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 11:06:12 +0000

Another Computer Science flipbook with a soundtrack!

Last time we did a time traveling Action Movie with a cold opening.

So it is only fair that this time...

...we are going way back to...

OUR CHILDHOOD! 🥰 🥰 🥰

Yes! Fairy tales and nursery rhymes!

keywords: divide and conquer, problem decomposition, recursion, closed form solution, floor division

See the full story on Github Pages!

Disclaimer:

Dev.to does NOT allow JS. I need JS for page flipping.
It is NOT optimized for Mobile Devices.
It is NOT optimized for Figma Design Courses.
I'm now trying a more friendlier tone. But, just in case Dev.to Gods decide to delete my work again without prior notice or post-mortem explanation, I'm using Github Pages.

Tales of the Algorhymer: Red-Nosed Reports

algorhymer — Thu, 26 Feb 2026 18:50:06 +0000

A Computer Science flipbook with a soundtrack!

For YOU! 🥰 🥰 🥰

keywords: prefix sum, suffix sum, scan lemma, time-space complexity optimization, array indexing safety, proof sketching

See the full story on Github Pages!

Disclaimer:

Dev.to does NOT allow JS. I need JS for page flipping.
It is NOT optimized for Mobile Devices.
It is NOT optimized for Figma Design Courses.
I'm now trying a more friendlier tone. But, just in case Dev.to Gods decide to delete my work again without prior notice or post-mortem explanation, I'm using Github Pages.