DEV Community: CodeSoup

Life with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) #1

CodeSoup — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 07:00:57 +0000

Heya, long time no see…

Hi, I am the victim, oh no wait, I shouldn’t call myself a victim because I should not speak negative words out loud, but if I dont speak out what I feel then how would I live? okay then I should, no wait I think people will judge me if I say anything and may be they will form a negative opinion about me, no wait I should be focusing on my career as a techie and chemist and should not write about such vulnerabilities becuase what if companies or hiring professionals come to know about it they wont hire me and might see my mental struggle as a shortcoming while hiring, yes I should be silent, but what if my friends and family ever reached out to my profile here on medium and read about my personal blogs and get to know such thing about me and surely once they do they will definitely make fun of me everytime they meet me and in family gatherings god it will be embarassing and frustrating I dont want them to know right? They will start to think that I'm crazy and mad, and most definitely, I don’t want my siblings to find out about it. So yes, I shouldn't be writing about it, okay, not writing, so now you are going to go back and hide in your shell, huh? (inner voice)...yaadda yadda yadda, and we fall into an endless loop from here on, welcome to the whirlpool.

I hope you got a general idea of what I suffer through on a daily basis, basically suffering x the number of times I had to make a decision in a day. Yeah, my decision-making is dangerously nudging towards zero, even negative, because of the mess you just read. Yeah, so this is GAD-Generalized anxiety disorder.

It's the big ghost in my closet, so what do I actually wanna do? What are my instincts? What do I want? What do I like to do? Basically nothing, I dont know what and what not, meaning I have zero idea which direction I should move in, “but codesoup follow the plan”, what plan? There's a plan? There was a plan? Was there ever a solution?

“Talk to people”, people who? what people, my god, “people” that sounds scary.

Oh god, now I am in an all-new mess. It's been 8 years I have been carrying this curse with me, yeah, I have had “good days and bad days”, but yeah, more of them were bad and very few good

It's been 8 years, and I am trying to build my career. Oh no wait, twenty-eight years and that also “trying to”, haven't scraped a single step into the right direction, feels like a curse for sure, well I did actually believe it to be some sort of black magic spell that someone put on me, and that frustrated my deepest core.

Eh, I am tired of writing now. I will keep you updated with more in the coming posts.

Thank you so much for reading.

Life in Depression...(Part #2)

CodeSoup — Wed, 11 Jun 2025 19:15:36 +0000

Part 2 (continuation...)

As you can see, I have written "Life in Depression", not "with depression", I just noticed the mistake and wanted to change it, but didn't. Because I can't help but feel it's a divine typo, like it fits perfectly into the narrative because there is no life with depression, it's either life or it's depression entirely, life and depression can't co-exist, it's one or another.
Now, the thing that has been bothering me for a while is that I have been around a few quotes lately on social media that "depression is real, but not everybody sad has depression." This was a very triggering thought for me since I have battled with validation for a long time. I lost the ability to differentiate between right and wrong midway during my time with it and between what was real and what was not real (dissociation & disconnection)...

So does that mean that everybody who has depression has to think before labeling it? well, no, in my opinion, because mostly things are what you think they are, if you feel something's wrong, there is something wrong. Like it happened with me when I was suffering with it, I just couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with me, and I didn't know what was happening. where was the world going? how was everyone happy? how could a person smile if they knew what I knew? there were some things which were hard for me to bear, and that was the reason for a shredded reality that gets created apart from the "reality" reality, you know what I mean.

Depression is so badly disorienting that it might just keep you in a loop of self-blame and never let you escape, and that's why you had to label it to get better(well, that's just my opinion). For years, I craved this one thing only, that is, wanting a label and validation that there was something truly wrong, but I couldn't since I didn't know what was wrong with me. But yes, you need to get it checked and label it correctly, for what is it that you are going through? that's a given.

to be continued...

Chemist turned techie...Why is it tough??

CodeSoup — Mon, 02 Jun 2025 10:43:14 +0000

Well, if it's not with the right support, right people around, and the right environment, but all alone!! Ehhhhhh... then I won't recommend.

Okay!! Let me make this easy for you. Let's say the person who took this huge leap of faith is an introvert!! Now, how do you think he/she could get started? Well, it needs structure. There's a whole lot of stuff that needs to be prepared beforehand and afterhand too(I don't know if that's a word or not, but...wahaha well).

If the person is not aware of the depth he/she is going to face they are most probably going to fail or fall, there isn't very much to it after that its just a fall and thats it whats interesting is the rise, the rise is the most interesting part because he/she might fall to the depths of h*ll still, nobody is going to notice but if someone rises the world starts to notice and thats how it is thats how it always has been and thats where the real thing begans, so yes a person transitioning alone will stumble but will eventually start to get it right, so yeah it takes time but if you think and wary too much about time then dont switch its a big "no no" from me and also if you are transitioning anyways then do it with right support and with the right people around.

Thankyou Yours truly

Life in Depression...

CodeSoup — Mon, 19 May 2025 06:10:45 +0000

I put the 3 dots to show how endless it can be and how despite wanting it to end you just never can get out of it on your own, it's not like a fever type issue which you can get rid of by taking a nice bath, some medication and diet or a nice walk in the park. its an endless loop of mental suffering and pain in which you can't seem to express or explain or even understand it for yourself...

Now you must be seeing I am emphasizing the suffering part a lot because that's just how intense and disorienting it feels, well I am not a pro in psychology, but it's not very hard to recognize if someone is going through tough times, well it can be tough to recognize because to a depressed person everyone else looks depressed too just like to a healthy person everyone else looks healthy...

Life with it:
Well life?? "There is no life with depression" is an understatement or an overstatement, like feel free to own whatever opinion you like. But with it, your bed becomes your park, your sleeping place, your eating place, your favourite place you used to go to when you didn't have it. It's as tough as it sounds, you have numerous amount of mental fatigue and whatnot revolving in your head with a never-ending hole in your heart and mind just like a black hole!! you know!! the one massive, dark, infinite hole that floats in space. Surprisingly, it's exactly that. Honestly, though, science doesn't know what depression is until now, and they don't know what causes it, so basically, the patient is free to call it, tag it, whatever they like. It kinda adds more of an uneasiness to the whole black hole situation.

To be continued...

Difficulties faced during switching fields from a chemist to a fresher techie

CodeSoup — Sun, 18 May 2025 15:35:50 +0000

Fresher: This title is not what I am really a fan of. It might be hard to get tagged as one, but it also makes me feel really good. The way I look at it is - "Fresh Talent". It makes me joyful when I am a front-end web development fresher.
Regret: Do I feel regret switching fields? The answer is yes, a big yes at that, there is no such thing as 100% of anything. If anybody says that I was so sure of this and that, its a lie, there are always regrets there are always difficult thoughts there are always doubts, its just one chooses the thoughts they want to believe and move ahead holding them true to themselves, yes its a concious effort and yes its difficult sometimes even all the time I guess but once you start going positive you only feel like keep going with believing good things.
Bootcamps: Do they work?? They definitely do, but I skipped them because my poor heart couldn't handle the pressure, and it gave out, so I had to drop out, and I couldn't think about any of the bootcamps anymore. But they are highly recommended from my side.
Life: Impact on life? Yeah, your life can go from 100 to 0 real quick if you mess just one step moving forward. I can tell because I did and I fell in a dark place, but I guess somethings are necessary to experience in life, its either one or the other, you either experience the success earned through your hard work, or your poor heart might gave out like me and you choose a more easy or calming way out that is self structure and self learning, its not exactly easy and its a preference. If your health can't take the harsh structure of an organisation learning, you might want to skip it too like me hahaha..., although I don't recommend skipping it still aghahahaha...

To be continued...

4-5 things necessary for a developer

CodeSoup — Fri, 23 Aug 2024 08:27:27 +0000

Here is a list of some things that You might find helpful on your developer journey which I have picked and collected from somewhere and am sharing here:

spend more time in the terminal.
there is no such thing as a favorite language get comfortable with fundamentals.
contribute to open-source projects
Join a good community.

Thanks for reading, these are not my tips I picked them from Harkirat Singh, hope this helps...

Concept of Life

CodeSoup — Fri, 15 Mar 2024 18:16:18 +0000

Life! What is life? Does anyone know, please do tell me because I dont wanna go and read a million books and pieces of advice or whatever resource there is available for finding the meaning, because I am a bit confused:
Dilemma: Sometimes it feels like some battle, sometimes it feels like a game and sometimes it's really hard to wrap my head around it. What it could possibly mean? I mean one second before I am alive and the next minute bamm! I could be d**d, and how is this logical, you know where I get confused is here only that such complex collective conciousness can get lost in a jiffy and that also by such petty means and can go completely invisible the next second, I mean this certainly does not make a lot of sense, not after we created quantum physics. I mean how can a mind that uncovered and understood quantum physics convert into dust, into nothingness, doesn't make a lot of sense to me atleast, tell me your thoughts I am more interested in yours:) also because I wanna know.

The Dilemma of where and how to use your Energy

CodeSoup — Thu, 15 Feb 2024 03:27:28 +0000

The world is so fast-paced no doubt, and you can only think of one thing at a time, or else you will get swept away in the storm of opportunities, and according to them! you should just focus your energy on one thing at a time, so here we go dealing with this little head-scratching dilemma of every day...

Focus on one thing and one thing only: As hard as it may sound I mean for the multi-taskers who are facing issues focusing their energy. The secret ingredient is "focusing on one thing" and after that, you can eventually build on different things with time.
Distractions: I know creating focus can be a difficult task these days and limiting distractions is a thing in the market but at the same time there are just more and more distractions in there as well, so no need to stop your distractions but just "limit them to useful things and tasks". Have your distractions but with at least 70% of them working to help you build what you are trying to build.
The Opportunity variety: The opportunities in the market vary insanely today and some of them not even being very different from the others. The amount of opportunities is huge numbers and this could lead to the mental fog of what to do and what not to do, even mid journey of doing something you might lose sight of where you are going but that could be the interesting part here, situations like this can be tackled in a lot of ways and some of the ways is "knowing that its the right path and that mental fog is just the part of it". Not knowing exactly where you are going can be exhausting but it sometimes acts as a test as well (if before beginning you were sure that this exact thing is what you want in life) then this mental fog can come as a test of your will, so be proud and strengthen your skill more and more and you will be out of that uncomfortable fog in no time.

Hope this reading came of some use to you...
Enjoy :)

Personal Exp of Web Dev (Career switch) #1

CodeSoup — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 04:55:02 +0000

A Beginner's experience into switching field's into Web Dev

Heya, This being my second post, I am actually a bit too new here, yeah you read that right "a bit too new" because I am thinking about what material to post so I am justing going with the flow for now,

But here it is,
Bootcamps doesn't always work
It didn't, not atleast for me, and dropping out of them becomes such a big thing, especially for a beginner like me in tech, even people all around will tell you that its not a great thing to do.
I mean they didn't work for me atleast, and I dont have a job right now so I won't say much, now I am not talking about any high profile bootcamp.

The imposter syndrome
I have heard of it, but now I am not sure if I got entangled in it or not, I mean I dont know what symptoms I showed xD but yes it's a thing so stay updated and aware.

Not feeling Ready
I dont know I am just never feeling ready to face my first interview, so yeah it happens, and relax.

Anyways this is it, I will keep posting and stay tuned for more.

looking for a Front-End web dev job

CodeSoup — Thu, 23 Nov 2023 08:35:19 +0000

First Blog ever...

Hi, this is my first blog. I am not even sure that this is going to be the correct one, but I am here to write about my journey toward getting a job, and I hope I get one ASAP since I have been learning for one year now, and I am really hoping now that this works out. I will be blogging about the tools that helped me land my first job, if I land one, and will share some tools and tips that I come across that were helpful, so hey! And I love to blog.