DEV Community: ItsMadeByDani

Dating Apps Didn’t Just Change Dating. They Changed How We Treat Each Other.

ItsMadeByDani — Sun, 11 Jan 2026 01:57:21 +0000

Dating Apps, Detachment, and the Illusion of Connection

After a long relationship of nearly five years, I felt like I had failed — as if life no longer wanted to align with my plan to get married and start my own family.

I wanted to take action, and even though I had always told myself I would never do it, I decided to join a dating app.

Not in a dramatic way.

I just didn’t like the idea of reducing people to profiles and decisions to swipes.

The First Step Felt Wrong

At first, it was very uncomfortable.

I saw people who knew me and whom I knew:

Friends
Coworkers
People I respected

Then I thought, maybe this is the new and modern way of getting to know someone — and that seeing someone cute and asking them out on the street is simply an outdated approach.

So I tried it.

And I wasn’t prepared for how bad it was.

The First Shock: How Easy It Is to Disappear

As a teenager, I never had issues with girls.

I was that romantic, emotional kid — singing, playing guitar, being friendly, and generally understanding what to do and when.

That version of dating no longer existed.

When I joined a dating app, I realized something unsettling:

You enter an app filled with faces you don’t know, and it becomes even worse when people write nothing about themselves — as if they have no identity at all.

There’s nothing to start from.

OkCupid: Hope With a Catchy Name

The first app I tried was OkCupid.

It sounds promising.

Like some modern Cupid is about to match you with the love of your life based on an absurd number of questions.

The opposite turned out to be true.

The app is built in a way that can easily drive people insane.

Messages don’t always notify you reliably
You find yourself constantly refreshing the app
Ghosting and impulsive unmatches are everywhere

When you first join, you get an extreme boost. People start liking you.

What nobody tells you:

A. It’s temporary
B. Many of those likes aren’t even from your country (Passport users)

At some point, you start feeling desperate.

You can’t find the people who supposedly liked you.

So you start liking almost everyone — just to see who might like you back.

That shattered the experience for me.

I took a break.

Returning With Doubt: Bumble

After some time, I returned and tried again — this time with Bumble.

The experience felt different.

You’re encouraged to build more character into your profile
You’re required to upload more photos
Women message first (or at least, that was the idea)

At first, it felt refreshing.

But reality kicked in quickly.

I had:

Matches where women never messaged at all
Matches that expired silently
Instant unmatches with no explanation
Conversations that started with “Hi” and ended nowhere

Later in 2024, Bumble introduced “Opening Moves”, effectively killing the only concept that made the platform unique by shifting initiation back to men.

But I want to be clear:

I’m not here to shame anyone.

I’m here to share what I discovered.

When Dating Turned Into Research

At some point, I realized something uncomfortable.

I had become dependent on dating apps and had almost completely stopped asking women out in real life — because apps felt “simpler.”

Still, the system felt rigged.

Most people seemed to be there for:

Attention
Validation
Followers

I’ve been deeply interested in solving problems since I was around twelve years old, so I treated this like a system worth understanding.

I started analyzing patterns:

How people respond to different tones
How much information is “too much”
Whether kindness is rewarded
Whether confidence is misread as arrogance

Not to manipulate — but to understand.

Eventually, I realized most of it didn’t even matter.

Region matters.

Looks matter.

Culture matters.

In one country, you’re invisible.

In another, you suddenly have options.

And the system offers no transparency, no guidance, and no reassurance that you’re even playing the right game.

Then I Paid — and Things Made Less Sense

Eventually, I received a discounted offer for OkCupid Premium.

I asked myself: What does this actually give me?

I checked Reddit and found things like:

“Premium slows down your exposure”
“If your profile is bad, premium won’t help”
“Super likes just make you look desperate”

So I tested it.

I bought Bumble Boost and OkCupid Premium.

I used:

Super likes aggressively
Constant right swipes
Priority likes

The results were surprising.

On OkCupid, out of roughly 30 likes, 17 were from the Philippines — not remotely relevant matches.

Premium didn’t bring me closer to love.

What it did give me was:

Constant FOMO
The illusion of endless options
Access to numbers without meaning

Ironically, paying for premium was when I had almost no relevant options at all.

Two Different Struggles, Same Result

I realized I was only seeing one side of the story.

So I started asking women about their experiences.

And yes — I did go on dates.

I wasn’t completely unsuccessful.

What I learned:

Dating apps feel like a race for many men
The gender ratio is skewed (roughly 60–70% men)
Competition makes people feel replaceable

Women, on the other hand:

Receive overwhelming attention
Can’t realistically respond to everyone
Leave many matches unanswered by necessity

I started seeing two dominant groups:

Those afraid the neighbor’s grass is greener
Those hoping to find one good match and leave the apps forever

The Bigger Problem: Dating Apps Don’t Feel Real

Many people don’t want to use dating apps — but feel they have no alternative.

Men rarely approach women face to face anymore.

People hesitate to open up to strangers.

Suddenly, things I would never obsess over in real life mattered:

Filtered photos
Tiny physical details
One-line belief labels
Profiles over presence

In real life, you meet someone and feel something.

Online, everything is:

Pre-judged
Labeled
Filtered
Abstracted

It feels like everyone is on dating apps — yet nobody truly wants to be there.

Connection starts to feel theoretical.

I Wanted to Fix It — Then I Realized I Don’t Have the Answer

At some point, I asked myself:

Can this be done better?

I explored ideas.

Rules.

Incentives.

Structures.

But the deeper I went, the clearer something became.

The problem might not just be dating apps.

The problem might be that we’re trying to digitize something deeply human — emotional, irrational, unpredictable — and then monetize the friction that comes with it.

So Here’s the Real Question

Do we need another dating app?

Or do we need to rethink what we’re even trying to solve?

Because what we have now doesn’t feel like it’s helping people connect.

It feels like it’s teaching them to detach.

And that might be the most concerning part of all.

I Abused AI to Build Products. Here’s What It Cost Me.

ItsMadeByDani — Sun, 11 Jan 2026 01:50:22 +0000

Don’t Abuse AI

When I opened my business, I had a question I couldn’t ignore:

Is it really possible to build a full product using only AI?

Not “AI-assisted.”

Not “AI helped here and there.”

I mean everything — code, UI, logo — all AI.

The only human parts would be the idea and testing.

So I decided to test it the hard way.

The Experiment

I started with an old mobile game idea I had called Flagora — a simple flag-guessing game.

I forced myself into strict rules:

All development was done using AI only (I used Augment with its $50/month subscription)
No manual coding. No “I’ll just fix this myself.”
The logo was AI-generated (ChatGPT Plus)
The only thing I did manually was testing and providing the idea

I did this on purpose. I wanted to know the real limits.

What did I get?

A working flag game
Built nicely
Looked like success

But that feeling didn’t last long.

The First Real Cost: Credits

Building even a simple app consumes a shocking amount of credits.

Tiny UI change? Credits.
Want to refactor logic? Credits.
Fixing something you didn’t ask to be changed? Credits.

And credits are not cheap.

I realized very quickly that:

AI feels fast — but it’s expensive fast.

You’re paying for every mistake.

Including mistakes the AI makes on its own.

The Bigger Problem: Dependency

This was the part that actually scared me.

When AI writes thousands of lines of code, and your only involvement is:

“Yep, looks good.”

You don’t really understand your own codebase.

So when a small logic bug appeared, I thought:

“No problem. I’m a developer. I’ll fix it myself.”

I opened the code.

And I was completely lost.

The AI had:

Over-engineered simple logic
Abstracted things unnecessarily
Split responsibilities in ways I would never choose

Finding where to fix the bug was harder than fixing the bug itself.

And worse — I was out of credits.

That’s when it hit me:

I had built something I couldn’t maintain without AI.

Yes, I felt productive.

Yes, the app was built quickly.

But the price of dependency wasn’t worth it.

It Wasn’t Just One Tool

This isn’t about Augment specifically.

I tried the same approach with:

Web apps
Other AI tools (including Cursor)

Same pattern every time:

Fast initial progress
Hidden complexity
Painful maintenance
Expensive iteration

AI doesn’t just write code.

It writes its way of code.

If you don’t control that early, you inherit chaos later.

The Lesson: Where AI Actually Helps

Here’s what I learned the hard way.

AI is amazing for:

UI
CSS
Layout
Design systems
Boilerplate
Scaffolding

AI is dangerous for:

Core logic
Architecture decisions
Backend integrations
Business rules
Anything you’ll need to debug at 2 AM

If you let AI own your logic, you lose ownership of your product.

The Rule System I Built Afterward

After this experience, I changed how I work completely.

Every new idea now goes through a planning document before execution.

One of the most important sections is AI usage rules.

For Augment specifically, my rules are simple and strict:

❌ Augment is NOT allowed to change existing logic
❌ Augment is NOT allowed to write backend code
❌ Augment is NOT allowed to refactor without permission
✅ Augment MAY work on UI
✅ Augment MAY scaffold backend functions (without implementation)
✅ Augment MUST ask before every change

Why?

Because I wasted too many credits fixing things I never asked to be changed.

My Current Workflow (That Actually Works)

Generate the product structure using tools like Base44
- In my preferred language (TypeScript)
- With most UI and structure ready
Export the project into Augment
Use Augment only to:
- Understand the UI
- Suggest backend functions
- Describe what needs to be implemented
I write all the logic myself
- Backend
- Integrations
- Business rules

This way:

AI supports my weak spots
I control the core
I can debug without burning credits
I actually understand my own product

Final Takeaway

You should definitely use AI — but don’t abuse it.

It’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re being more efficient with AI.

And before you realize it:

You don’t understand your code
You can’t fix bugs without credits
You’re dependent on a tool instead of empowered by it

If you’re a developer, protect your skills.

Make sure every project includes parts only you write.

Because the scariest part isn’t that AI can write code faster than you —

it’s how quickly you stop being able to.