DEV Community: Seow Yan Yi

Are engineers just app builders?

Seow Yan Yi — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 04:20:39 +0000

Many years ago, I met someone from a networking event and we had a follow up meeting.

Minutes into the conversation he started bringing up his business ideas.

I too had ideas of my own that I was passionate about as well - and shared excitedly with him.

He subtly implied that engineers do not make good business people and we should leave the business to someone else who knows better.

I asked him about his past business successes that had him make this statement. He demurred and gave vague answers.

He proceeded to continue talking about his business ideas and said he was looking for someone to build an app for him.

Being an engineer doesn’t mean that you are bad (or good) at business.

Being a non-engineer doesn’t mean that you are good (or bad) at business.

It’s whether or not you put in the effort to acquire those skills.

Have you encountered this situation before?

The 3 Step Approach To Make Initiating Conversations With Strangers Less Scary

Seow Yan Yi — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 05:36:56 +0000

You are at a friend’s birthday party and you see the cute girl from your school. You guys are taking the same classes together but had not talked before. She’s alone, getting some food from the table. This should be a great opportunity to strike up a conversation.

As you walk up to her, a million thoughts start racing through your mind. And the next thing you know she walks past you without even a glance… You missed your chance.

Talking to strangers is scary

Because you’ve never interacted with them before, you never know what’s going to happen.

How do you even start?

What if there’s an awkward silence after that?

Whether it is getting to know someone you fancy, attending a networking event, or the first day of school, meeting strangers is a part and parcel of life.

It’s 6:30 am and your alarm rings

You open your groggy eyes and try to draggggg yourself out of bed.

At this point, half of us will probably hit the snooze button.

But if you manage to persist through that first couple of agonizing minutes, wash up and make yourself a cup of coffee, it ain’t so bad anymore.

The first 60 seconds

The first 60 seconds of a conversation usually takes up 80% of our emotional anxiety and mental overthinking.

The hardest part is the initiation. Once we get past that first stage, we exit the world of imagination into the world of reality. And reality often is less scary than what’s in our minds.

As engineers, we use our brains a lot – yet overthinking is what also makes us hesitate and anxious. We start to use our most precious tool as an avoidance mechanism instead of a support.

So the trick here is to make it brainless and painless to start.

Step 1: Have a routine

Routines help you to lower the barrier of entry. You don’t need to think. Just do.

If you want to build a reading habit, you make it as easy as possible for you to read. Buy a book in advance. Put it on your desk in plain sight. Set a daily reminder for yourself. And when the clock strikes 8, you pull out your book to read without fail.

Routines for initiating conversations can be done in the same way:

Physically calm yourself – maybe it is drinking water, taking three deep breaths, or simply clearing the cluttered thoughts in your head.
Have a standard opening sentence and stick with that. At least you have your first few lines down pat.
Set yourself an internal timer. It could be 10s, 30s, 60s. Once you decide to approach someone you got to do it within that time frame. The longer you wait, the less likely it’s gonna happen.

Step 2: Disarm their concerns

Imagine a random dude walks up to you on the street and says:

“Hey! I’d like to have a chat with you”.

When we are so caught up in our internal world, we forget how we’re coming across to others.

In a random setting like talking to a stranger on the street, their first thought would be: What does this person want from me???

I once did a social experiment to try approaching random strangers wearing different attires.

Interestingly enough, the more casual my attire, the more it put people at ease!

When I wore formal clothes, folks thought I was a salesperson trying to sell them insurance and they kept a distance away from me. (No offence to friends in the industry)

When I wore smart casual, people were a bit wary but still willing to hear what I had to say.

When I approached people in a simple t-shirt, pants and slippers, and casually sauntered up to them to have a chit chat, I had some of the most open conversations.

I’m not saying you have to wear flip flops to a networking event… but just remember that people make snap judgements and they have a whole list of concerns in their minds. Consciously or unconsciously.

So make them feel comfortable. Be non-threatening. And let them know why you are here. This brings us to our third point:

Step 3: Go in with an objective

Nothing attracts an awkward conversation more than a conversation without an objective.

You become aimless and in the best case you start making meaningless small talk and in the worse case, you just stare at the person in silence.

People are busy. Even if you genuinely want to get to know them as human beings, most don’t have the time for that.

Objectives alone are not enough though. What’s even better is if you add specifics.

If I’m at a networking event, my general objective is to “expand my network”. But it’s too vague to be of any use.

A sub-objective could be to get 10 LinkedIn connection requests from the event.

Another sub-objective could be to find one common point of interest between you and the person you are meeting.

Objectives help you to stay focused and know what questions to ask, what topics to bring up.

So that’s it! Three simple steps for you to use in your next conversation with a stranger. Let me know how it goes for you in the comments below.

PS: If you liked this article, do subscribe to my blog for more! https://evolvingengineers.com/

Lots Of Thoughts But Can’t Verbalise? Here’s How To Jumpstart Your Expression Channel

Seow Yan Yi — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 05:34:28 +0000

One of my direct reports asked for help with verbal communication – not specifically public speaking, but it could include that. She’s a writer and very in her own head, and wants to learn some tools for improving verbal communication so she can feel more comfortable speaking up and verbalizing ideas, strategy, etc. She often knows what she wants to say in her head, but she has a hard time saying everything in a clear, succinct way by the time that idea gets to her mouth.

You can think and write well – but when it comes to speaking, you’re a mess.

Why is this? Isn’t clarity of mind sufficient to express your thoughts?

A shy songbird

I have a friend who is extremely shy and soft-spoken. He works as a game programmer in his day job. Some time ago he got invited to an Open Mic session at Clarke Quay, a historical riverside quay in Singapore.

When it came to his turn, he went up to the stage and started singing.

But he didn’t just sing. He sang with such expression and visceral emotions that his whole body just flowed and danced with the song. You couldn’t tell he was a shy introvert at that moment.

And he sang for a whole 11 minutes.

At the end of it, everyone got up and gave him a standing ovation.

Your thoughts, feelings and actions are distinct yet connected

You might fumble when having a normal conversation or giving a speech. But when it comes to expressing yourself through another form, the barriers dissolve and beauty takes its place.

In the case of my friend, his channel was singing.

It could be drawing, writing or even cooking for you.

Thing is, you can’t just start singing soprano at the top of your voice in a sprint planning meeting right? Even if that’s your preferred channel 😛

So the first step is mapping out your blockages

What are the forms of expression where you often struggle with?

The more specific you can get, the better.

Maybe you don’t like to talk about yourself to other people. Or you have difficulties communicating technical concepts in layman’s terms.

When you leave your car idle for an extended period…

The car batteries start discharging

Condensation forms in the crankcase and fuel system

Tires deflate and degrade

That’s why car owners who come back from long overseas trips find that their cars just wouldn’t start

Similarly, certain expression channels you have were blocked for a reason. Maybe it’s due to bad experiences in the past or a less than ideal environment.

What makes it worse is that the gunk results in you avoiding using that channel for prolonged periods. Which leads to deterioration and atrophy.

Jumpstart your engine by targeting that blockage

Once you have figured out your blockages, it’s time to come up with targeted action steps.

A great way to ease into learning verbal communication is teaching.

Teach someone about a subject. Use a subject that you are intimately familiar with so it’s not so much about your knowledge, but your delivery. Pick a willing student who will ask questions and show support.

That’s when your car engine restarts again and you can manoeuvre out of the parking lot.

PS: If you liked this article, do subscribe to my blog for more! https://evolvingengineers.com/

Being An Introvert Is Not The Problem; Being Stuck Is

Seow Yan Yi — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 05:28:54 +0000

“How to grow your developer career despite being an introvert?”

This question is something I’ve come across several times in my coaching career.

The problem with this statement is that it implies being an introvert somehow hampers your career.

You might be thinking… How is it not a problem?!

I get talked over at work very often. Presentations still scare me after all these years. I have a habit of not wanting to bug people and end up never asking for help.

How do I get promoted, start a company, lead a team if I can’t do all these?

There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert

Many successful people are introverts.

Elon Musk

Barack Obama

Michael Jordan

Steven Spielberg

Marissa Mayer

So what’s the difference between them and someone who feels their introversion is a disadvantage?

Being stuck is the problem

Let’s say you are an introvert who loves to create stuff, being inside your own bubble, dreaming up ideas.

But if the situation requires you to be out there, talking to people and presenting your ideas, and you are unable to do that, then that’s not workable.

What doesn’t work is if you’re perpetually stuck in a passive / internal / shy state and you can’t get out of your shell.

Whether you are a CEO who has to network or a software architect who has to present and convince stakeholders… are you capable of it?

Elon musk might love to spend time with books and rockets more than people… but hey. If he needs to get something done – no matter how many people he has to inspire, convince, or sell to – he will do it.

But… that’s who I am!

My mentor once told me this:

If you think that’s who you are, then it’s true.

If you think that isn’t who you are, it’s also true.

My gripe with most introvert blogs out there is they mostly parrot the narrative that people should “understand introverts more”.

“Why the world needs introverts”

“6 ways to make an introvert feel valued”

“Why I feel grateful to be an introvert”

I’m not against making the world a more inclusive place.

I’m against justifying behaviours so that you don’t have to grow, and hoping that the world will adapt to your preferences.

And this applies to “introvert” as much as any other personality label.

The journey is worth it

I’m still far from living at my fullest potential, yet I’ve already grown in ways that I wouldn’t have imagined before.

Being able to express myself genuinely without fear, finding work that fulfils me and having loving relationships with people who matter.

Ultimately it boils down to what kind of life you want to live. A life full of possibilities, or a life constrained?

PS: If you liked this article, do subscribe to my blog for more! https://evolvingengineers.com/

Is Your Misplaced Niceness Getting In The Way Of You Speaking Up?

Seow Yan Yi — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 05:21:30 +0000

I was coaching a group of Engineering Managers recently and they all had the same problem – they had engineers who were not performing but too little was done about it. They hesitated to give direct feedback. When I asked one of them why he said he didn’t want them to be demoralised. He didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

This is misplaced niceness

You see a person walking on the pavement with his eyes glued to the phone… and there’s a drain ahead. Not saying anything means letting him fall into the drain.

(This actually happened to me when I was 14… instead of being glued to the phone I was engrossed in a Pokémon booster pack and fell into a drain. I have a scar on my right knee to prove it 😅)

And it comes from our fears and insecurities

We think we’re trying to be nice, but it is a mask for our fears and insecurities. It gives us an excuse to hold back from adding value.

What if I tell my engineer that he’s underperforming and he gets demoralised and quits?

If I try to speak up, I’m being selfish and I’m robbing others of the chance to contribute.

Everything has a chain of consequences

As the Chinese saying goes, paper cannot wrap fire. Problems surface eventually even if they are not dealt with today.

So I let the managers know what’s going to happen if they continue not to give direct, honest feedback.

When the individual engineer doesn’t perform, it affects his project.

If his project doesn’t perform, it affects the team’s OKRs.

Eventually, the problem comes back during the engineer’s performance review cycle. Which hurts his bonus and promotion.

Worst case, the engineer might get fired eventually when it’s too late.

You are doing others a service by speaking up

So I asked the three managers: would you prefer to hear critical feedback about you immediately, or for your bosses to say nothing and continue letting your performance slide? All of them wanted honest feedback without hesitation.

Most people I know genuinely want to help. You aren’t being unkind or hoarding the limelight.

You are sharing your knowledge, your perspectives, your observations that will not otherwise see the light of the day.

PS: If you liked this article, do subscribe to my blog for more! https://evolvingengineers.com/

Do Presentations Scare You To Death? It’s Time To Lower The Stakes

Seow Yan Yi — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 05:19:00 +0000

Imagine you walk into a room for a presentation that could make or break your career. As you stand in front of your boss, you feel your shoulders tense up, butterflies in your stomach and a lump in your throat.

Being in the spotlight

There’s a popular piece of saying about how public speaking is more feared than dying itself.

You’re put under the spotlight and all eyes are on you. There is no hiding behind the computer screen; whatever you say cannot be taken back.

Worst still, you are not just judged for the content of your speech but also the way you deliver it.

The big open sea

How did you learn to swim when you were young?

It’s likely that you first waded in the shallow end of the pool, got comfortable with water, then learnt some basic breathing techniques.

What if instead of a gentle introduction to swimming, you were thrown into the big open sea and left to sink or swim? Even if you survived, you’d likely be traumatised by the experience.

Most people’s approach to overcoming their speaking fears is like learning how to swim by starting out in the big open sea.

Not only are you trying to get better in that short period of time, you are also battling the stress, the anxiety boiling down to an important event.

In a company presentation, it means making a bad impression.

In a tech conference, it means wasting a chance at building your brand.

In a group discussion, it means not being able to get your point across.

Lowering the stakes

The last thing you need is to be fighting internally against the consequences of not speaking / presenting well.

When I first started trying to express myself more, it was daunting. I remember freezing up whenever it was my turn to speak in a group.

I tried to force myself to put aside the anxiety but it was like banging my head against a wall.

What eventually worked for me was practicing to speak up when the stakes are low.

I joined Toastmasters and hosted small events.

I talked to random strangers on the streets for a few months.

I attended meetups, striking up conversations with the organisers.

The fear and awkwardness was still there initially but there were no adverse consequences, no expectations.

If I failed, the embarrassment was contained.

Incremental vs. big bang

So start early and start small in your practice. Try going for incremental improvements rather than just practicing for that one single upcoming presentation.

You will be so much more prepared when the time comes 🙂

PS: If you liked this article, do subscribe to my blog for more https://evolvingengineers.com/ !

Why More Knowledge Isn’t Making Your Conversations Interesting (And How Associations Can Help)

Seow Yan Yi — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 05:07:39 +0000

Last week I purchased a particularly nice 24 piece set of pale blue plastic Tupperware containers. It was financially reckless of me but they were in a 25% discount sale. Also it IS summer, can I not let my hair down a bit?

I brought the pack home and arranged the containers on the kitchen table in descending size order, using the bubble sort algorithm. It was at this point I discovered to my delight that there must have been a labelling error at the factory, for there were in fact 26 pieces not 24! I nevertheless felt obliged to check my excitement and call up the manufacturer to warn them of a potentially serious commercial oversight. I spent the next three hours carefully labelling each container and placing them inside one another, testing the interplay between each and writing down the best stack combinations, scoring them out of 10. Two containers in particular have a very impressive flush when the smaller is pushed into the larger. I was in fact so impressed by this that I took said containers to work the following day to show my colleagues this particular example of fine plastic manufacturing. But they just weren’t that interested, I think it’s because they have kids. It’s having children that makes a person boring I am afraid. When you have children you don’t have time for Tupperware anymore.

I came across this amusing answer on Quora a few years back about “What makes a person boring”.

How would you feel if you were in this conversation?

It’s not about how much you know or how much you talk

Most people think that being a good conversationalist means being able to talk at length about anything under the sun.

Engineers would decide to handle this logically and read more books!

History

Politics

You also need variety

Imagine you are in a basketball game. Sometimes you dribble, sometimes you aim and shoot, sometimes you intercept the ball.

Good basketball players have a variety of moves they can play. And they can transition between moves seamlessly.

Associations add that variety

“I don’t know what to talk about” isn’t the real problem.

The problem is you don’t know what topic to transit to after the current one has reached its expiry.

And you don’t know how to do it elegantly.

It might another topic altogether, or a deeper level of the current topic. It can go broader or go deeper.

Understanding the concept of association means you will never run out of things to talk about.

Take a piece of paper and write a word in the middle

And for the next one minute, write as many associations to the word you can think of, forming a mind map. Don’t filter yourself.

If the word is “raining”, you might think of a huge thunderstorm. Or you feel like snuggling in bed. Or the time you saw a tree collapse during a storm.

Suddenly you have at least 8 more associated topics you can talk about!

Associations don’t have to be logical

They can be stories, your personal experiences, and even how you are feeling right now.

All these are associations stemming from just one topic. Being able to quickly draw links on the fly expands your conversation range tremendously.

Instead of getting stuck with a topic that is running dry you now can transit to another “somewhat related” topic.

Instead of your conversation being like a PhD thesis – linear, logical, technical, it now sounds like an exciting comic book

But why do I still feel like I’ve got nothing to say?

Many years ago when I first started to improve my conversation skills, I didn’t have the confidence to fully be myself.

I was afraid of saying the wrong things. I was too self-conscious and closed off all the possible conversation topics.

I censored myself way too much.

What should I say next?

Will they like me?

Should I bring this up?

Truth is, maybe it matters, maybe it doesn’t. But what got me out of this trap was not wanting to live in hesitation and fear anymore.

The next time you are in a conversation, try letting down your guard. Open up and explore the associations your mind and heart tells you to.

You might just discover something new about yourself 🙂

PS: If you liked this article, do subscribe to my blog for more https://evolvingengineers.com/ !