For my whole life, I have been operating on the premise of "my value to society". That is, society's grace and allowance for my livelihood (survival, even) is predicated on how useful I am to society.
So, when I had to choose between 2 suitors --- a doctor and a beach bum --- I chose the beach bum because she needed me more. She was a mess before I came along, and still a massive mess after she has learned a lot from me over 3 years (as she admitted herself).
The same thing happened with my father when I bought a house we could share. I had found him homeless, and considered his welfare above my own convenience (and even above my own safety). My father promptly threw me out of that house, via various forms of bullying and threats and schemes; some schemes involved getting the government to act, which obviously backfired on him. I gave the house to him eventually, but did decide to cut ties to avoid further damage.
Before I dive into my story, I would like to highlight some wise words that further strongly reinforced my volition to stop the abuse. That article literally saved my life. (I'm not at all affiliated with Ted Leonhardt; am actually trying to catch his attention.)
The worst form of bullying is caused by close family and friends, and it involves utter isolation in a constructed world often filled with illogic that serves only the dictators in the relationship.
Janet (not her real name) gave me a first hint of her abusive traits when she first lambasted her mother, just 3 weeks into our relationship. We were about to have my first dinner with her parents at her parents' home. We arrived at 6:30pm, but quickly realized dinner wouldn't be ready until 7:15pm at the earliest, and more reasonably at 7:30pm if barely humanly possible. I had plans to leave by 7:30pm.
Janet had unfortunately forgotten that Wednesdays were cleaning day, and the cleaning lady would only vacate the kitchen by 6:30pm. Janet immediately chided her mother fiercely, "I told you my friend is coming for dinner", conveniently forgetting that she had forgotten to inform her mother I had to go off early.
It took me several weeks to convince Janet that she had bullied her mother. Over the years, Janet had learned to be more aware of her bullying ways, but compulsion was always stronger than intention for her.
Janet had dictated how her parents should treat her. She dictated her own academic paths, which mostly tended towards entertainment more than education. Her mother is a loving woman. Though ignorant and far from wise, she tried her level best to make the best plans for Janet. Janet overruled all her mother's plans, and forced her mother into a broken and submissive state repeating the justification that she "only wanted the best childhood" for Janet.
The extended family had come in to chide Janet's parents for letting the children drop out of the system (the children's natural smarts put them above 80th percentile).
As far as Janet's mother is concerned, she did everything right by letting Janet have the "best" childhood Janet could have. It is clear that Janet dictated every justification her mother used to "get through life" while still subconsciously worrying about her children's sustainability in adult life.
The younger brother, George (not his real name), turned out way worse. He used his parents' savings to purchase the investment-linked insurance products he was selling, pocketed the sales commissions, and also totally controlled the beneficiary of said products.
George is physically violent with only 3 persons in his --- his parents and Janet; George is much more restrained with me, and painfully timid with everyone else.
George is also painfully shy and completely incompetent in a sales role, a fact his father often noted with concern. George also didn't do well in academics; it is likely both brother and sister took after the father's beach bum attitudes.
When I resolved to help Janet, I rented a room in her house (her parents' house). I paid $600 per month for rent, paid for groceries for all four of us (parents, Janet, myself), fixed up various infrastructure (WiFi, kitchen layout, etc), and generally sought to help the family best I could.
We set up knowledge bases where I would input whatever life lessons I had acquired. I had life lessons aplenty; I grew up abandoned, as you would've guessed from my "value to society" principle alluding to my struggle to secure a place in my environments.
For eg, when the father insulted the mother's yearly religious rituals, I put up an article in our knowledge base saying that "if a crutch works, be glad we're walking". Even science is premised on the unknown (eg gravity in physics). When knowledge gaps are yet to be filled, a good crutch (like any well-formed and well-meaning religion) is indispensable.
The peace was thus kept on many occasions for various other abuses the family meted out to one another. In real-life relationships, it is not always a clear-cut case where there are abusers and victims. It is instead often a vicious internal feedback and amplification, where everyone adds what poison they can to the collective "pot of rage".
When George came back from a failed stint in Stuttgart --- the company had realized his sales figures were bought by his parents' money --- George flew into a rage after realizing that I had been giving money and assets (eg a printer for the household) to the family.
He held a family meeting, including me, to tell me that he would inform the entire extended family I was freeloading in his house. The house never belonged to him, I think, but I'm still never sure whether he ever managed to wrest the house deed from his parents' hands. Maybe he did by now. (House was already sold, as the parents downgraded to an apartment; it is likely George still needed to live off his parents' money.)
The father begged me never to let the extended family know about George's infractions. I agreed, thus furthering the isolation that this family put me into.
Janet put me through the same treatment, even as we moved out into a place of our own. It took me some 3 years to realize she can never get a grip on her abusive habits.
I am now very separated from Janet, and have recovered quite a lot from my panic attacks. I had feared every word she was about to utter; every next sentence from Janet would rewrite my logic in ways that society would find wrong. Yet, Janet's logic was all I could live by; she threatened to leave me on numerous occasions whenever I tried to avoid submitting to her logic.
I cut off all my intellectual friends because that circle made Janet feel inferior. I played into the isolation she unwittingly designed for me; I can still see that she's not a bad person at heart.
I'm back with a wider circle now, including DEV.io which encompasses a more rounded and robust range of functional human interactions.
The police and state-supported counselors (a few separate groups) are involved now. It will take me time to regain my confidence in my logic and language. Yes, isolation can make you believe anything your captors want you to believe.
I'm now trying to get work from outside of Singapore because technology competence in Singapore is lacking. I've been paid many times for helping to "rat out fake technology professionals". Latize was quite a recent "misadvenure". SeeChic had a fake technologist (M.Sc) who was a middle-eastern lady that scammed work via fake "job interviews" (I sent her work she demanded, documented the entire scam).
However, I want to do real work, not displace fake technologists only to serve bosses that don't care about obtaining visibility into project works. That complacency with visibility and "due diligence in understanding your own business" was what led these bosses to be cheated by fake technologists in the first place.
Today, I'm still paid under the table for helping save failed IT projects mismanaged by various government officials. GovTech still has an "infestation" of "cybersecurity analysts" who joined GovTech because they "wanted to be on the other (table-banging) side"; these fake analysts were formerly fake technologists at vendor companies serving GovTech projects. The real technologists are likely devs from DEV.io obscured by flashy sales folks in Singapore!
Singapore also tries to mask certain news. There was a time when our director of CyberSecurity Agency (CSA) said he "never puts his Mac to sleep because he knows that's how it gets hacked". I would just be called in again to "fix" things if anything breaks down from self-sabotage.
I was raised by dubious people when young. I had exhibited technology skills from a very young age. I also have linguistic skills; I will soon be writing a compendium on Chinese words/characters.
I had always tried to move away from cybersecurity. Give me a more conventionally constructive project like "Fullstack webapp"? Fat chance; nobody wants a skilled hacker running off to the competition.
I have never killed anyone, never been in Black Ops. I had only been a child labor, and subsequently simply saved many top management personnels' jobs (which invariably led to them having even more complacency and infidelity and broken families).
Even if society never takes me back, I want to do something of value. I don't want to keep breaking up families (aforementioned complacency and infidelity). I don't want to perpetuate complacency in Singapore and see that complacency destroy Singapore's technological competencies.
I would be happy if I just did one solid good, then I can spend of myself as society eats of my body and energies to grow stronger. I cannot live without service in my life.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho,
A Pirate's Life For Me.