WOW! Your life sounds just like mine (sans the divorce, and I'm sorry to hear about that). I too am struggling with how to prioritize my limited time for coding, learning and job-hunt stuff. Here's what's working for me so far:
(1) Settling in my spirit that it's #CodingOrBust. No matter what I have to do now to take care of my babies, being a pro dev is my ultimate goal and nothing will deter me from it. I find that this mindset helps calm the panic of "I'll never make it" that I sometimes feel.
(2) Have a high-level list of coding activities and prioritize them. You already have this, but maybe group them into broader categories. Mine are
(a) Passion Apps - I build apps for purposes I'm passionate about
(b) CompSci skills - algos, data-structures, etc. Basically camp out on LeetCode and CodeWars.
(c) Job-Hunting - Write cover letters, send cold emails, anything that improved my job profile
(d) Learning/Community - listen to podcasts/youtube, post on community sites (like Dev.To)
(3) I focus on one high-level area per day (but allow interruptions from other areas if not expensive). So if its Passion Apps-day and I'm really into it and a great-looking job post comes through but it's going to require a lengthy break from my app-work, I just let the job go (and get back to it on Job-Day if it's still available). It's the feeling that I must chase down every opportunity that frazzles me out.
(4) Every 2-3 weeks or so I enjoy a completely code-free day. Preferably outside as much as possible. Balance is important. Enough said.
Hope this helps! Good luck and I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers 🙏🏾
Thanks so much for your response, Arit! I appreciate your advice and I definitely know what you mean about the need to chase down every opportunity. I feel like I have to learn some of everything and I've got huge lists of bookmarked articles on Medium and on Dev.to that I might not ever get around to reading. I need to focus on actually writing code all the time and not just reading about concepts that might not even be relevant to me right now.
Hope your journey goes well, too!
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