Shared careers aren't the only way to emotionally connect with someone. When I started dating my boyfriend 6 years ago, he was a dev and I was an archivist. I switched fields 2 years ago because the job market for library science is awful in my area, and my boyfriend convinced me to try some online programming tutorials, and I actually liked it and didn't suck at it like I thought I would.
That being said, we still got to know each other really well the first 4 years we were together. We share a lot of interests and introduced each other to hobbies. I got him into anime and LARPing, he got me into fountain pens and tea, and we both were already into board games, video games, table top RPGs, Star Trek, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
I don't think I know him any better just because I'm now a dev. While it's nice to have someone around to help me debug, I think it's just another shared interest. We don't spend that much time talking about programming; we connect more over our hobbies and common beliefs.
Do you have any other shared interests/hobbies with your wife? Try connecting with those. Do your personalities mesh? Do you have similar world views? I think these things are a lot more important than whether she knows why the undocumented legacy code you've been working on is awful and ruined your day.
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