About a year ago I started reading about Stoicism and how it helped one of the most powerful people on earth — Marcus Aurelius — live a peaceful life in a very unpeaceful world.
One question stayed with me:
How can an emperor like Marcus Aurelius manage to find inner peace and I (sometimes) don’t?
I kept reading and learning, but I still often struggled with the hardest part: not understanding Stoicism, but actually applying it to my own messy, everyday situations. Many times I simply lacked the imagination to translate the principles into concrete actions.
At the same time, I have another obsession: AI.
My readers know that AI plays a major role in my personal and work life. At some point I thought:
AI can tailor massive amounts of information to a person’s specific situation.
So why can’t it do exactly that for Stoicism as well?
Why not ask:
“Here is what’s happening in my life. Show me how to apply Stoic principles to this exact situation.”
I tried it, and it turned out to be incredibly powerful.
If you just want to try it out directly, you can use my bot AskAStoic on Poe for free:
How I Use AI as a “Stoic Companion”
I won’t go into all the details of how I built the knowledge base behind it. The important part is how you can use it in practice.
My process is simple:
Describe a specific situation
Not “How can I be more Stoic?”, but something concrete from today or this week.
Ask for a Stoic perspective and next steps
I ask the AI to:
- Show me what I might be misinterpreting.
- Help me separate what is in my control and what isn’t.
- Suggest how a Stoic would think and act here.
A Real Example (Short Version)
Here is a recent situation I shared:
“I keep messaging and calling a friend of mine, but he keeps reading my messages without replying. I know he’s fine because I’ve heard from other friends. It makes me very confused and angry.”
In short, the Stoic-style answer I got back did four main things:
Separated facts from stories
- Fact: he isn’t replying.
- Story: “I don’t matter,” “I’m disrespected,” “I did something wrong.” The AI reminded me that the pain comes mostly from my interpretation.
Applied the control vs. no-control test
- In my control: whether and how I message, my boundaries, my self-talk.
- Not in my control: whether he replies, his mood, his honesty. The advice: invest in the first, treat the second like the weather.
Suggested one clear action
- Send one calm, honest message (for example: “I’ve noticed you’re not replying; if you need space, I respect that, but I’d like to understand where we stand. I won’t keep chasing you.”).
- Then stop chasing: no follow-ups, mute the chat if needed.
Helped me reframe and set standards
- His behavior reflects his situation and character, not my value.
- Ask: “Does this behavior fit the kind of friendship I want?”
- If not, step back quietly and invest in people who reciprocate.
Plus, it suggested simple daily practices like a short morning reminder (“Today I may meet people who ignore me; my job is to stay self-respecting and kind”) and a quick evening review of how I handled things.
This was exactly the kind of concrete, situation-based Stoic guidance I usually struggle to produce on my own.
Where This Approach Is Useful
The same pattern works in many situations, for example:
- When you are overlooked for a promotion.
- When you receive harsh or humiliating feedback from your boss.
- When close friends do not invite you to something and you see it later online.
- When you feel like you are always the one who reaches out and keeps friendships alive.
- When you get mixed signals in dating and keep overthinking every message.
- When a parent constantly criticises your life choices.
- When you feel behind because your friends earn more or seem more “successful.”
- When you are struggling with a chronic health condition that limits your energy.
- When you keep procrastinating on an important task and feel guilty every day.
- When a rude comment from a stranger on social media gets stuck in your head.
Going One Step Further: Using My Daily Journal
I have also started sharing my daily journal with the AI (events, perceptions, feelings) and asking for Stoic recommendations on how to think and respond differently.
It showed me how much I was missing:
- Repeated patterns in my reactions.
- Assumptions I treat as facts.
- Small, practical ways to act more in line with my values.
Of course, you need to be mindful of what you share and how personal it is. But used thoughtfully, AI becomes a kind of always-available Stoic conversation partner.
And I am very grateful for having such a tool.
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