The supermarket was almost empty, save for the occasional pensioner moving at the speed of continental drift, and the staff member rearranging tins with the solemnity of a priest tending an altar. The air smelled faintly of bleach and reluctant bread. Somewhere in the frozen aisle, an unholy hum vibrated from a freezer that seemed to be holding on to life purely out of spite. I stood between Special Offers and Reduced to Clear, wondering what the difference is.
But anyway, they say the great migration of the modern age is not wildebeests crossing the Serengeti, but office workers being herded back into fluorescent-lit cattle pens under the banner of “team spirit.” – a term which in the UK, means “misery, but with biscuits.”
In the UK, the push is gaining steam: 48% of businesses now demand full-time office attendance, up from 27% last year. The numbers painted proudly across LinkedIn posts like an ex with “look what you lost” energy, while quietly blocking anyone who mentions that 28% of working adults are still hybrid.
The problem isn’t WFH, it’s misery. Happy employees will blissfully churn out quarterly targets like a child collecting gold stars. Unhappy ones will limp along no matter how big you make the “Team Work Makes the Dream Work” poster.
For the past year, I’ve been working a 60/40 split: three days in the office, two at home, and from that split, my conclusion is simple: WFH works – If you’re happy.
Productivity is supposedly measurable, though through the kind of delusional loyalty usually reserved for cults, as they place their targets around where the arrow lands, before publishing a newsletter about how everyone clapped, and OMG! Today the CEO remembered my name begins with a T, it doesn’t, but it does have a T in it.
Regardless, WFH performance is a mirror to management. – When unhappy, WFH will nosedive any productivity, like giving money to a student. But unhappy in the office, and you’ll at least hear the dragging of feet – again, like a student. However, when happy, WFH doesn’t just work, it accelerates production. Particularly with the neurodivergent, for whom skipping the commute and avoiding the sensory overload of the office is like being told you can work from a meadow instead of a minefield.
In short:
Happy + WFH = Amazing employee of the month productivity.
Happy + Office = good productivity.
Unhappy + Office = Just enough work.
Unhappy + WFH = No work.
So, any statistics you hold that suggests WFH lowers productivity, can be true, but you might want to visit the wellbeing of your team.
Also, remember when you placed Rob on a PIP because he came in five minutes late that time – and you were so confused as to why his performance declined shortly after? Yeah, I’m sure it’s unrelated, anyway, maybe unhappy staff works for you, – builds character right? But if you’re still struggling with this WFH concept, and want to be better, then I’ve also done a graph:
Data sourced from a statistically rigorous sample of vibes, passive-aggressive emails, and unquantifiable metrics that exist solely in my head. Margin of error: ±100%.
:: REFERENCES ::
- British Chambers – Office Return Varies Across Sectors
- Office for National Statistics – Who has access to hybrid work
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