They say the left is where futures go to argue with each other. And there’s always been a kernel of truth in that – a kernel that keeps expanding into internal civil war. Think Monty Python’s People’s Front of Judea, endlessly squabbling against the Romans and against – more to the point – each other. Whether it’s the People’s Front of Judea, the Judean Popular People’s Front, or the Judean People’s Front, “Splitters,” they hissed at each other, like a religious cult having a punch-up over font size. It is a comedy, but for the left, it is pitifully and painfully real – and not just in politics.
The story begins long ago, but the pattern repeats. Wherever the left is not just defending something, but promising multiple kinds of change, it becomes a container for different, and sometimes contradictory, visions, and unity often demands suppressing conflicts or containing them as internal debates, and that’s hard. The Right, by contrast, thrives on minimalism: order, tradition, property, and the vague comfort of being mildly racist over tea. Unity is far easier when all you need is a shared enemy and a respectable haircut.
“I voted left this time” he said.
“But you’ve always leaned to the right” she said.
“I know,” he said, “but it’s been right three times. A fourth, and we’ll end up back where we started”
Left and Right aren’t just team colours, they’re orientations. In the simplest historical, admittedly ‘out of date’ form, the right are the old people at the top, “if it ain’t broke, why fix it?” The left are the young, ‘down there somewhere’ who haven’t got anything yet. They want change, but what that change looks like is the problem.
Because ‘preserve what we have’ is, by definition, one destination. You can argue about details, but the core impulse is singular: keep the thing, maintain the shape.
‘Change’ on the other hand, is an entire airport terminal. – People going in all directions, arguing about which gate leads to utopia, while the plane explodes quietly in the background. You can scream “This way!” all you want, but Gary says it’s that way, and Paul is climbing out the window because he doesn’t like doors that open inward.
A coalition of different futures has one inevitable problem, it has to pretend to be one future. It must pick a priority, enforce it, and simultaneously pretend it hasn’t just betrayed every other priority.
The right points and grins with tea-stained teeth, “See? This is why we can’t have nice things.” And they’re right, not because they’re correct – but because they’re coordinated.
So who will you vote for – the Judean Popular People’s Front, the Judean People’s Front, or the People’s Front of Judea? Because the Romans are already at the door, eating the last of the olives.
Top comments (0)