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Discussion on: Nevertheless, Fen coded and found their people.

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emilywalker profile image
Emily Walker

There's something I don't really understand here with regard to some points you've raised about women only spaces in tech, and hopefully, it doesn't come across as rude to ask.

I absolutely understand you underlining that you aren't a woman, you don't want to be referred to as one of the girls. What I don't understand then is why "whenever a new women in tech event was announced, I was always the one to politely ask if it would be a safe and welcoming place for... nonbinary people."

Are you saying you're asking to be included in an event that's designated as one for women only? I don't really understand why you'd do that if you don't identify as a woman. Or are you more saying that you were asking whether the event was more of an "everyone who isn't a man" event rather than a "women only" event as the two are conflated so much?

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sublimemarch profile image
Fen Slattery Author

I'm not sure why you'd think I'd want to be included in a women-only space if I'm not a woman. Specifically in the context of that sentence, I was describing an action I did when I did thought I was a cis woman. And yes, now when I ask, it's to clarify who is actually welcome in the space, since most of the time organizers do intend to include everyone who isn't a man.

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emilywalker profile image
Emily Walker

So I misinterpreted your wording, I thought you when you said: "I was always the one to politely ask if it would be a safe and welcoming place for... nonbinary people", you were REQUESTING that women-only spaces include non-binary people rather than asking for clarification as to whether they were intended to include them.

Possibly you're asking as to why I would misinterpret it that way in the first place. I've seen other non-binary people use terms such as "woman aligned", "lesbian", or even "non-binary woman" to describe themselves, so I know that some non-binary people are not necessarily women, but identify with and relate to womanhood. At the same time, everything else you said seemed to suggest you don't identify with womanhood at all, which was where I got confused. Obviously, you do not need to account for or defend any identity or viewpoint (including your own), I've just written that to explain why I thought you could want to be included in such a space as you said you were not sure why I would think that.

Anyway, I understand now what you meant after reading your reply. Thanks for writing back and explaining :)