One of the reasons we struggle keeping up with good habits is that real life is terrible at giving us quick rewards.
If most worthwhile things in life are straightforward in theory, why is it so much easier to grind repetitive tasks in a video game than to do the same kind of repetition in real life? This conversation lands on a very practical answer: games are built around immediate feedback, while real life usually makes you wait.
The problem isn't that success is complicated
A lot of the things we want are not mysterious nor rocket science (unless, OFC, you want to become a rocket scientist 🚀👨🔬).
If you want to write a book, you should write consistently.
If you want to get stronger, you should train consistently.
If you want to lose weight, you should make better food choices. Yes, consistently.
Simple? Often yes.
Easy? Not even close.
We usually don't fail because we don't know what to do. We fail because the reward for doing it well is delayed.
That's where games (that are done well) flourish.
Why games are so good at keeping us hooked
James Clear talks about the fact that habits need to be appealing, and they need some kind of reward attached to them. Games do this brilliantly. You get progress quickly. You get visual feedback. You get points, levels, near-misses, small wins, dopamine hits... the whole buffet.
In a game, the loop is tight:
- do a thing
- get feedback
- feel progress
- do the thing again
In real life, the loop is more like this:
- do a thing
- wonder if it matters
- do a thing again tomorrow
- maybe see results in a month
- possibly question your entire existence in the meantime 🙈
That delay is brutal.
When you go to the gym for a week, you probably do not look dramatically different.
When you write for three days, you probably do not have a finished manuscript.
When you eat healthy for a few meals, you definitelly do not feel like a transformed human being.
But in a game? You killed the monster. You got the coins. You found a new cool armor. With 50%+ to luck! 🍀
No wonder the brain goes, "Ah yes, let's do more of that."
The funny fake product idea that actually makes a solid point
So, here's one crazy idea for solving weight loss with instant feedback: a fitness watch and shoes with built-in scales that constantly show your weight trend during the day. Eat dessert, see the spike. Skip it, get rewarded. Silly? Sure. But also kind of brilliant, because the joke hides a real truth: The faster the feedback, the easier it is to stay engaged.
And that's the takeaway: we don't always need more discipline. Sometimes we need a better feedback loop.
So what do we do in real life?
Tony Robbins (and most other folks in that genre of personal development) say something to the extent of: In life, we run away from pain and towards pleasure.
So, if you're trying to build a habit, add a reward system to it. Make the behavior more appealing. Break the goal down. Give yourself small wins at specific points so the habit has a better chance of sticking.
That does not mean you need to turn your life into a productivity circus.
It just means you should stop expecting your brain to love a system that gives it no signal that progress is happening. Now, if you're hardcore, you could just "TRUST THE PROCESS" and "know" the progress is going to come. But, for the rest of us, here are a few simple ways to apply that:
1. Make progress visible
Do not trust your motivation to remember invisible effort.
Track it.
A checklist, streak counter, habit app, wall calendar, notebook, whatever works. The medium matters less than the visibility.
If the reward is delayed, the proof of effort should not be.
2. Reward the process, not just the outcome
If your only reward comes at the finish line, you'll quit long before that.
Instead of saying, "I'll feel good when I lose 10/22 kilos/pounds," make the reward happen earlier:
- finish 5 workouts this week
- write 300 words today
- cook at home 4 nights in a row
You want your brain to associate satisfaction with showing up.
3. Lower the size of the loop
The shorter the cycle between action and acknowledgment, the better.
Do not wait a month to review progress on a habit you do daily. Review it daily. Even if the "review" is just checking a box.
Games don't wait three weeks to tell you you did something right. Neither should you.
4. Stop demanding perfection
James Clear says that every action is a vote for the kind of person you want to become. If you slip once, that doesn't erase the many votes you've already cast in the right direction. You do not need 100%. You need consistency. Even 90% done over time will produce results.
That's such an important reminder.
People mess up once and suddenly act like the whole mission is over.
Ate badly once?
Missed one workout?
Skipped one writing session?
Okay. Cool. Welcome to being a human.
Cast the next vote well.
Then again, folks like Clayton Christansen will tell you it's actually easier to do something 100% of the time than 98% of the time. YMMV.
The bigger takeaway
Something that took me a long time to realize is that We often lose not because our goals are wrong, but because our systems are bad at making progress feel real.
Games understand human behavior incredibly well. That's why they're compelling. The trick is not to complain about that. The trick is to borrow what works.
Build habits with better feedback.
Create visible progress.
Reward the right actions.
Accept imperfect consistency over imaginary perfection.
And voilà, suddenly real life stops feeling like the world's worst-designed leveling system.
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