I never know when it is going to come
The walls I try to keep gold and white
It spreads like a shadow with no sense of the sun
I know one day, one day it will take me
Yet I try, I think, I distract myself
All that I want is to be able to take care
Care of what; to see myself old and kids around me
Loved and happy, knowing I've set them on a path
One that doesn't lead to my world
Pain, suffocating pain
Blackness, total blackness I welcome
To hard to resist, it infects me
Then I remember each of them, so I try
Yet I know that I can't fight this forever
Most people live their lives in gold and white
They marry, happy life, family, work hard
I don't have this, everything seems to point back to
"god gives the hardest tasks to the one he loves"
I fail to see how my sorrow could ever make my god love me more
I cry to think that this would be so
Never believe a fabled laugh when you too are sad
If I ever not make it to old man
Let my kids know I love them
Let them know it wasn't easy
Let them know I cry when I think of leaving them
Let it be known that it wasn't them that I left
It was the pain, it wouldn't leave me, wouldn't let me rest
Blackened walls replace white
Life become death
Stop, it can not happen
Genius I'd be if I could halt it
The end is only the beginning
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