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🤡 INTERCAL — The Language Designed to Mock All Other Languages

What is INTERCAL?

INTERCAL (short for “Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym”) is one of the earliest joke programming languages. Created in 1972 by Don Woods and James Lyon, the purpose of INTERCAL was to parody programming languages of the time and make coding intentionally painful, confusing, and absurd.

Instead of predictable syntax, INTERCAL uses bizarre phrasing, random formality requirements, and nonsensical commands. Ordinary programming tasks become comedic rituals. The entire language is meant to feel like dealing with bureaucracy rather than logic.

Specs

Language Type: Joke / Esoteric

Released: 1972

Creators: Don Woods & James Lyon

Syntax Style: False politeness, weird English phrases

Execution Model: Low-level, intentionally awkward semantics

Difficulty: High (intentionally)

CODE EXAMPLE (Hello World)

A classic INTERCAL “Hello World” program looks like this:

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS PROGRAM PRINTS HELLO WORLD
PLEASE DO ,1 <- #13
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #238
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #108
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #112
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #0
PLEASE WRITE OUT ,1
PLEASE GIVE UP
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Yes — the language forces you to be polite, or it refuses to run.

How It Works

  • Variables are manipulated using strange rules and numeric registers.
  • Many instructions are reversible or indirect.
  • The language includes keywords like:
    • “PLEASE” (mandatory sometimes)
    • “DO”
    • “COME FROM” (a parody of GOTO)
  • Too many occurrences of “PLEASE” triggers an error for being too polite.
  • “COME FROM” replaces GOTO by executing a statement when another line jumps to it — causing confusing reverse control flow.

Common tasks become unnecessarily complex on purpose.

Strengths

  • A legendary classic of esolang culture.
  • A humorous exploration of how bad language design can get.
  • Still referenced in software jokes and nerd culture.
  • Introduced concepts later used in esolang design and conferences.

Weaknesses

  • Extremely difficult to read or write intentionally.
  • Syntax rules change based on irrelevant context such as politeness.
  • Debugging is chaotic and confusing.
  • Has no practical use in real programming.

Where to Run

INTERCAL interpreters exist for multiple platforms. Online interpreters and TIO.run versions can execute code without needing full compiler setup.

Should You Learn It?

For professional development: No

For historical esolang knowledge: Yes

For comedy, challenge, and chaos: Absolutely

For writing maintainable code: Never

Summary

INTERCAL was created as a parody of programming languages and remains one of the most influential esolangs ever made. By replacing predictable syntax with confusing rituals and comedic structure, it redefines programming as absurd theater rather than straightforward logic. While useless for building real software, INTERCAL remains iconic as a symbol of programmer humor, creativity, and rebellion against complexity.

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