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💣 HQ9+ — The Language That Only Runs 4 Commands and Still Counts as a Language

What is HQ9+?

HQ9+ is a joke esoteric programming language created by Cliff L. Biffle. It contains only four instructions, and most of them don’t do anything useful in normal software development. The language exists as a parody of overly minimal or overly abstract programming languages.

Despite (or because of) its simplicity, HQ9+ became one of the most iconic esolangs — especially in meme culture — because its entire feature set is basically nonsense.

Specs

Language Type: Joke / Minimalist

Creator: Cliff L. Biffle

Instruction Count: 4

Execution Model: Statement-triggered behavior

Purpose: Humor, not development

Commands

  • H → Prints "Hello, World!"
  • Q → Prints the source code of the program (quine)
  • 9 → Prints the lyrics to “99 Bottles of Beer”
  • + → Increments an internal accumulator (but never displays it)

That’s the entire language.

CODE EXAMPLE (Hello World)

A full HQ9+ “Hello World” program is literally:

H
Enter fullscreen mode Exit fullscreen mode

Running it prints:

Hello, World!

How It Works

There is no syntax, no variables (other than the accumulator), no functions, loops, or logic. The interpreter simply reacts to characters in the program:

  • If it sees H, print greeting.
  • If it sees Q, reveal the program itself.
  • If it sees 9, generate the full repeating song (which is usually massive).
  • If it sees +, silently increase a counter nobody can use.

Everything else is ignored.

Because the program prints itself when Q is used, even beginners accidentally create quines.

Strengths

  • Extremely easy to learn — just 4 instructions.
  • Great introduction to esolangs and quines.
  • Funny, memorable, and culturally iconic.
  • A perfect example of intentional uselessness.

Weaknesses

  • It cannot compute anything meaningful.
  • No input, no variables, no logic flow.
  • Not suitable for any real programming purpose.
  • Extremely limited and intentionally pointless.

Where to Run

HQ9+ interpreters exist on:

  • TIO.run
  • GitHub repos
  • Browser-based esolang playgrounds
  • Joke terminals and Discord bots

Some interpreters animate the “99 Bottles” output.

Should You Learn It?

For real programming: No

For meme value: Yes

For esolang study: Yes — it’s a classic

For maintainable code: It’s literally impossible

Summary

HQ9+ is a tiny joke language with only four commands, most of which exist solely to produce humorous output. While useless for development, it remains one of the most famous esolangs due to its simplicity, absurdity, and ability to generate quines instantly. HQ9+ proves that a language doesn’t need features to become legendary — sometimes nonsense is enough.

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