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Joshua Newell Diehl
Joshua Newell Diehl

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How to be a Programmer

Turn off the fourth alarm and turn on the tower,

then start the magic beans a-brewing.

Prime your tired head with a pep talk while brushing those teeth;

you're gonna need it.


Restore all recently closed tabs and be grateful

for a remembering machine, reliable and efficient.

Imagine streams of lightning on copper highways.

Impossible speed.

Marvel for a moment.


Don't dwell on how much you love programming.

Love doesn't pay.

Force yourself to work on that one project

that might hopefully impress some critical someones

you haven't even met yet.


The tasklist is long and it's time to dive in.

Start with what time forgot yesterday.

Find a rhythm, stretch your fingers.

Hot water helps when the blood is fighting cold.


You're stuck before you've started.

Reach out to the documentation and I'm sorry

it's so terrible.

Remember how difficult it is to write great docs and
get over it.


You're immediately reminded of how little you know

because this popular library has twelve paragraphs

describing installation.

Spend thirty minutes scanning pages and likely not find

what you came here for.


You're frustrated now so

have some breakfast.

Eat anything that resolves to brain sugar.


Finally some progress but you can no longer ignore

those aching muscles.

Sit on the floor and stretch it out while

the dog licks your face.


Cute smiling puppy lounging on the floor


Visit stack overflow with a pressing question but

quickly discover that 42 other people have asked the same.

Lose another opportunity to boost site reputation.

Remain a noob.

At least you found the answer.


You've finally found your flow so

interrupt it to retrieve more coffee.

Run back to the throne excited because you suddenly came up with a beautiful solution to that one thing.

It doesn't work.

Spill hot coffee on your pants.


Restart the dev server and rejoice;

only one hour wasted.

Celebrate by finally getting some work done.


Explore alternative libraries because this one

doesn't support that 15-line dependency

of a dependency

of a dependency of

that one exclusive library with 600

severe vulnerabilities.


You're seeing red with dry eyes so

decide to rewrite the whole project in python.

Write a 300-line module in hour 9

that runs beautifully on the first try

and remember why

it's all worth it.


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