re: Dev parents, how do you do it? VIEW POST

FULL DISCUSSION
 

It's incredibly challenging. But you have to decide what the most important thing is for you.

It's just like accepting speaking opportunities. Those more than likely pull you away from some other area in your life, wether it be alone/recharge time, time with your partner, time with your friends. You are giving up something to get something.

I have 2 girls with 1 more on the way. The last 5 years have been some of the most challenging in my life. But I have learned so much! I've transitioned from being a full-time contributor to now leading our entire engineering department.

Everyone sacrifices different things. For me it's been side projects and basketball, which is one of my favorite things to do. But that being said, I've still pushed to make time for it, and now that my girls are both over 2yrs old, it's much easier for me to schedule that time for myself. It just looks different than when I was 25.

You did ask for honest feedback, so I will say, my advice would be to remove all other variables and decide if you really want to be a parent. Your job will more than likely change. Your hobbies will more than likely change. Your child will be your child for the rest of your life. I think you just need to decide if that is something that excites you. If it is, then I would say everything else will work out.

Benefits I have seen:

  1. My kids have helped expose my areas of weakness and selfishness. Much like my marriage did for the first 5 years without kids.
  2. My wife and I have become much better partners in life because we have faced a lot of challenging times together.
  3. Not many things in life have brought me more joy than connecting with my girls.
  4. I get to watch classic 90's kids movies with them! 🤣
  5. Truly disconnecting from my work and 'grown-up' life during play time with my kids bring out joy from deep within my heart.

Downside:

  1. It's much harder for me to have 'me' time. I recharge during alone time, which means I have to get up super early, or leave the house for that to happen.
  2. Waking up with a baby in the middle of the night just sucks really bad. But it's only a season.
  3. Traveling 'can' be harder, but some people overcomplicate it or make it seem impossible to travel with children.
  4. I'm a very focused person, so working remotely from home is very challenging, but I choose to go into the office because it's easier for me to focus there.

Kudos for being vulnerable in your posting this and asking for feedback!!

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