Recovering interrupter with occasional relapses, lover of spreadsheets, blogger, programmer, adept debugger, conjurer of analogies, and probably other things.
I am scared of failing probation and failing the family my energetic and eager approach to my coding career now supports.
I have long lived in a similar light. And what you're experiencing is a lot.
I see an Urgent and Important problem (e.g. "Surviving" Probationary Period) and a not-Urgent but Important problem (e.g. finding your voice/confidence/purpose).
What would focusing on the Urgent and Important problem look like? What support can your family give you so you can focus your energy there? What are some questions you can ask of your manager to understand where you're at? When does the probationary period end?
What would it feel like to fail the probation? What would it feel like to succeed? What are your immediate concerns if you fail? What doors might there be that you haven't considered?
All of this can be really hard, but it's also temporary. You either pass your probationary period or you fail. That's your window for the Urgent and Important. It is also quite acceptable to say "I'm okay failing at this probationary period, now what does that look like?"
If you proceed with the Urgent and Important project, look to the skills you have to help you move through it: You've probably done a task breakdown. What does that look like for moving past the probationary period? You probably have a daily stand up. What does that look like involving your team (aka your family)? You've probably had to solve multiple things at once, what are things you could do that address both important problems? Talk about it with your family. You've probably had a project board, what does that look like for this project? What's your "confidence" of meeting the project "deadline"; talk about that.
You've likely piled up a tremendous corpus of skills. And right now, I'd say the project to focus on is the You project.
Good luck!
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I have long lived in a similar light. And what you're experiencing is a lot.
I see an Urgent and Important problem (e.g. "Surviving" Probationary Period) and a not-Urgent but Important problem (e.g. finding your voice/confidence/purpose).
What would focusing on the Urgent and Important problem look like? What support can your family give you so you can focus your energy there? What are some questions you can ask of your manager to understand where you're at? When does the probationary period end?
What would it feel like to fail the probation? What would it feel like to succeed? What are your immediate concerns if you fail? What doors might there be that you haven't considered?
All of this can be really hard, but it's also temporary. You either pass your probationary period or you fail. That's your window for the Urgent and Important. It is also quite acceptable to say "I'm okay failing at this probationary period, now what does that look like?"
If you proceed with the Urgent and Important project, look to the skills you have to help you move through it: You've probably done a task breakdown. What does that look like for moving past the probationary period? You probably have a daily stand up. What does that look like involving your team (aka your family)? You've probably had to solve multiple things at once, what are things you could do that address both important problems? Talk about it with your family. You've probably had a project board, what does that look like for this project? What's your "confidence" of meeting the project "deadline"; talk about that.
You've likely piled up a tremendous corpus of skills. And right now, I'd say the project to focus on is the You project.
Good luck!