I feel you! I'm a dad but my wife got injured while giving birth and haven't been able to take care of our kid anything yet.
So I'm a dad on the mom-role. I do everything, drop off and pick up from kindergarden, stay home when he is sick, cook dinner and buy groceries for the whole family, the laundry, cleaning etc. So I know how you feel.
If it wasn't because of my biological nature I would definately be classified as the mom.
It is hard being a dev and taking care of a kid at the same time. Luckily I have a good employer too which gives me time to do anything I want when I need. As long as I deliver, they dont care if I work 4 hours one day or 14 hours the other day, as long as I keep my deadlines and the customers happy.
I wish more dads would take the mom role and stop beeing afraid of things like staying at hone with the kid when it's sick. It is not going to change if dads dont start doing something about it on their own.
Having a kid is a shared responsibility, don't be afraid of what you employer thinks about that.
If you are, move to Sweden. We have a culture of family first and you could sue a company if you get fired for things like that.
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