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Nevertheless, Lindsey Coded

lkopacz profile image Lindsey Kopacz ・4 min read

In the past month alone, here are some of the things I've experienced:

An actual response I got from a man who was trying to empathize, but first questioning my experience.

Tweet with the text: Do people actually say that?? Woww, that’s so wrong and demeaning. It’s more like the architecture of a house vs the interior and exterior design.

There was this gem where I quote tweeted a man I agreed with

To which I got this response and I immediately blocked.

Tweet with the text: Women in tech are raging bitches! They all act super nice, and they they flip out on you for the smallest most restarted things because they demand that you're perfect like their White Privilege boyfriend because their pampered.. I'm sorry I'm not as good as your dad.

I definitely appreciate having a day dedicated to celebrating women, but I feel like a lot of it gets to be "Rah Rah Women, let's support them" without any of the real experiences that many of us face every single day.

Of course there was a man who brings in the typical "why you gotta make it about gender" thing:
Tweet with the text: Not every critique is mansplaining. Why bring a person's gender into the conversation?

We have coping mechanisms. A lot of times I use humor to cope. For example, to the whole "why bring gender into the conversation" I quote tweeted the above tweet (you can't see it because I blocked him):

Tweet with the text: Well, actually... quote tweeted the above Not every critique is mansplaining comment.

I had to block this guy because he had no right to my time:

Tweet with the text: Men don’t get to determine what the definition of mansplaining is. I also don’t owe you an answer or my time. In the meantime, you’re getting blocked because I need to go to the gym and your notifications are bs and distracting. Bye, Donny!

The response to his tweet about me ignoring him was particularly false and offensive.

Tweet with the text: These people are the nerds speaking like Wookies outside the convention. Everyone is sick of their negative identity poison. They are mini Smolletts, looking to get that victim currency. Don't pay. They don't have real arguments, just more of what you're already getting.

We block, mute, ignore, so please don't even bother giving me or any woman that suggestion as if it's that easy. Words hurt and sometimes defaulting to ignoring the behavior allows the offender to continue their toxic behavior. They probably will not change, but they know they can't get away with it for me. Any time the women in tech put ourselves out there, we are putting ourselves at risk. Especially the brave women who stand up to toxic masculinity.

I thankfully have more people who support me than don't, but I really wish people would realize how much their words matter, even the ones who mean well.

I started/continued to code in 2019 because...

I wanted to create things. I wanted to help others. I wanted to make an impact. I want to have a salary that allows me to save for the future.

I deserve credit for...

  • How quickly I pick up new things. I've only been writing tests for 3 months, and my boss told me how much he loved how comprehensive they are. I usually grow at exponential speed.
  • How well I can engage with the community.
  • How much effort I put into self-improvement and helping others

I hope to see my work/developer/tech community...

Actually, care about women, invest in inclusion efforts instead of just tokenizing them and asking them to speak at your event. Have a CoC for their conferences, Slack groups, and events.

Discussion (11)

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aspittel profile image
Ali Spittel

❤️❤️❤️ thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️

Any time the women in tech put ourselves out there, we are putting ourselves at risk. Especially the brave women who stand up the toxic masculinity.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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lkopacz profile image
Lindsey Kopacz Author

❤️❤️❤️ Your post inspired me so much to be brave and post this. I almost wasn't going to.

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ambroiler profile image
Fernando Borba

It is shaming how we (men) try to be superior in everything, is not about knowledge, it is about domination, a stupid domination. Your efforts to teach something aways being contested, it is so unfair. Women making a real effort to teach and spread knowledge, men making a show to exhibit (doubtful) knowledge, the main difference of who wants others to grow e who wanna applause.

Thank you for sharing your power, strong and great actions to deal with this!

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wuz profile image
Conlin Durbin • Edited

Not the point of this post at all, but I am super glad I made the "good example" category. Thanks for sharing your story! I especially loved this part:

Actually, care about women, invest in inclusion efforts instead of just tokenizing them and asking them to speak at your event. Have a CoC for their conferences, Slack groups, and events.

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lkopacz profile image
Lindsey Kopacz Author

Yeah, I actually confused someone on Twitter because he thought I was offended by what you said and I was like no no, that's not what was bad. It was the dude's response to that.

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wuz profile image
Conlin Durbin

I saw that! It was an odd interaction :/

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lkopacz profile image
Lindsey Kopacz Author

I think he just got confused, it's all good!

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Juan F Gonzalez

Just want to bring my full encouragement so you can keep building things, helping others and making an impact on this industry. Being self-taught is a huge merit on itself and I know that skill will keep on getting further developed. So yeah congrats and keep it up :)

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lkopacz profile image
Lindsey Kopacz Author

Thanks, Juan! I'm very proud of how far I've come!

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boris kan

In my career, I have had more women given me more opportunities to learn and grow. The ratio has been 7:3 if not more. To a point, when I look for an opportunity, the make up of the team was more important than the salary.

Thanks for sharing.

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Jean-Christophe Helary

I am so glad that there are more and more people like you on the (tech) scene, because now men and women alike have even more interesting and inspiring people to read and follow. :)