I used to be terrible at 1-on-1s.
Not because I didn't care. I cared deeply about my team. But every meeting felt like I was starting from scratch.
"How's that project going?" I'd ask.
"I finished that two weeks ago," they'd remind me.
Awkward silence.
Then one day, I had a realization that changed everything.
The Sales Team Didn't Have This Problem
Our sales team managed relationships with 50+ customers each. Somehow, they never forgot what was discussed in the last call. They never asked the same question twice. They always knew exactly where each customer was in their journey.
How?
They had a CRM.
Before every customer call, a sales rep would pull up the customer's profile in Salesforce:
- Complete interaction history
- All previous conversations
- Tracked commitments and follow-ups
- Context for the relationship
- Next steps clearly defined
Meanwhile, I was managing 8 engineers with scattered notes across Notion, Slack, Jira, and my brain.
The sales team wasn't smarter than me. They just had better systems.
The Experiment: What If I Treated My Team Like Customers?
I decided to try something.
I created a Confluence page for each person on my team. Not a project page. Not a meeting notes dump. A profile.
Just like a CRM, but for people management.
Here's what each profile looked like:
# Sammy - Senior Engineer
## Career Goals
- Wants to move toward tech lead role
- Interested in infrastructure/DevOps work
- Loves backend systems, less interested in frontend
## Recent Context
- Just shipped auth refactor (2 sprints ahead of schedule)
- Feeling a bit siloed from the DevOps team
- Mentioned wanting more architectural responsibility
## 1-on-1 History (Newest First)
### 2024-01-15 - 1-on-1
**Discussed:**
- Auth refactor completion (shipped early!)
- Interest in learning Kubernetes
- Wants exposure to infrastructure work
**Action Items:**
- [ ] Me: Intro Sammy to DevOps team lead (Mark)
- [ ] Me: Add her to #architecture Slack channel
- [x] Her: Write tech spec for caching layer proposal
**Notes:**
- Really proud of auth work
- Feeling ready for more ownership
- Mentioned she's never worked with K8s before
### 2024-01-08 - 1-on-1
**Discussed:**
- Sprint planning for auth refactor
- Career development conversation
- Mentoring junior devs
**Action Items:**
- [x] Her: Finish auth refactor by EOW
- [x] Me: Add her to architecture review meetings
**Notes:**
- Did great job mentoring Alex on code reviews
- Wants more architectural decision-making
## Personal Context
- Has two kids (flexible schedule appreciated)
- Previous background in security engineering
- Prefers async communication
Simple. Clean. All in one place.
The First Meeting After I Changed My System
Before my next 1-on-1 with Paul, I spent 5 minutes reading his profile.
Last time, he'd mentioned he was nervous about presenting the database migration plan to the architecture team. I'd completely forgotten about it.
But it was right there in his profile.
I started the meeting differently:
"Hey Paul, last time you mentioned you were nervous about the database migration presentation. How'd it go?"
He paused. Looked surprised.
"Wait... you remembered that?"
"Of course," I said.
He smiled. "It went really well actually. The team approved the plan. We're starting migration next sprint."
Then he opened up about something he'd never mentioned before: he was interested in moving into an SRE role eventually, but wasn't sure how to get there.
That one moment changed our relationship.
It wasn't that I suddenly became a better listener. I just had a system that helped me remember.
What Changed After 3 Months
1. No More "What Were We Talking About?" Moments
Before: 10 minutes of fumbling through notes before each meeting.
After: 5 minutes reviewing their profile. I walked in prepared.
2. I Actually Followed Through on Commitments
Before: "I'll introduce you to the DevOps team" → forget → feel guilty → they stop asking
After: Open commitments tracked per person. I couldn't forget. It was right there every time I opened their profile.
3. I Could See Patterns Over Time
After 8 weeks of 1-on-1s with Maria, I noticed a pattern in my notes:
- Week 1: Mentioned feeling burned out from on-call
- Week 3: Mentioned incident response was draining
- Week 5: Mentioned struggling with work-life balance
- Week 8: Mentioned thinking about taking a break
I would have missed this completely with scattered notes. But seeing 8 weeks of history in one place? The pattern was obvious.
I talked to her about reducing on-call load and moving her to a project with fewer production incidents. She stayed. She's now one of my strongest senior engineers.
I would have lost her without this system.
4. Career Development Actually Happened
Before: "Let's talk about your career goals" → vague conversation → nothing happens
After: Career goals written at the top of their profile. I saw them before every 1-on-1. I could connect their current work to their long-term goals.
"You mentioned wanting to move toward tech lead. This API redesign project would be a great opportunity to lead. Want to own it?"
5. My Team Noticed
Three months in, Sammy said something in our 1-on-1:
"I feel like you actually remember our conversations now. It feels like you care more."
I did care before. But now I had a system that let me show it.
The Simple Formula
Here's what I learned:
Scattered notes + Working memory = Forgotten commitments
Person-centric profiles + 5 min prep = Relationships at scale
Sales teams figured this out decades ago:
- CRM = Customer Relationship Management
Engineering managers need the same thing:
- PRM = People Relationship Management
The Tipping Point
This system works at any scale, but it becomes essential around 5-7 direct reports.
Below 5 reports: Your brain can mostly keep up. You'll forget things occasionally, but it's manageable.
Above 7 reports: Working memory breaks down. You need a system.
I hit the crisis point at 8 engineers. That's when I built this.
If you're managing 5+ people and feeling scattered, you're not bad at your job. You just don't have the right system yet.
How to Build This System (15 Minutes)
You don't need fancy tools. Here's how to start:
Step 1: Create One Page Per Person (5 min)
Use whatever you have:
- Confluence
- Notion
- Google Docs
- Markdown files in a Git repo
- Literal paper notebook
One page. One person.
Step 2: Add Three Sections (5 min)
# [Name] - [Role]
## Career Goals
(What do they want long-term?)
## 1-on-1 History
(Chronological log, newest first)
## Open Commitments
(Yours and theirs)
That's it. Three sections.
Step 3: Log Your Next 1-on-1 (5 min)
After your next meeting, spend 5 minutes writing:
- Date
- What you discussed
- What they're working on
- Wins, challenges, concerns
- Action items (clearly labeled: you vs. them)
Step 4: Review Before Each Meeting (5 min)
Before your next 1-on-1 with them:
- Read their profile
- Check what you talked about last time
- Check what you committed to
- Check what they committed to
Show up prepared.
The ROI
Time saved:
- Before: 10 min scrambling before each meeting
- After: 5 min focused review
- Savings: 5 min per meeting = 40 min/week for 8 reports
Trust gained:
- Remember commitments → follow through → trust
- Remember personal context → they feel seen
- Remember career goals → they feel supported
Retention impact:
- Replacing a senior engineer costs 6-12 months of salary
- I kept Maria because I saw the burnout pattern
- I kept Sammy because I followed through on DevOps intro
- Avoiding 1 departure = $100k-200k saved
What I Realized
Systems aren't the opposite of care.
Systems enable care at scale.
I care about my team. I always have. But caring without systems meant:
- Forgotten commitments
- Repeated questions
- Lost context
- Eroded trust
Caring with systems meant:
- Showing up prepared
- Following through
- Building continuity
- Earning trust
The Mindset Shift
Before: "I should be better at remembering things."
After: "I should build systems that remember for me."
Sales reps don't feel guilty about using Salesforce. They use it because it makes them better at their job.
Engineering managers shouldn't feel guilty about using systems. They should feel guilty about not using them.
What Happened Next
This system worked so well that other managers started asking about it.
"Can you share your Confluence template?"
"How do you organize your notes?"
"What's your system?"
Eventually, I realized: every engineering manager needs this.
So I turned it into a product. It's called Helmly.
It's a CRM for people managers. Person-centric profiles. Meeting history auto-loaded. Open commitments tracked per person. No scattered notes. No context switching.
If you're managing 5+ engineers and feeling the scramble, check it out at helmly.io.
I am looking for ~20 founding members (free lifetime access) to help shape the product. If this article resonated, I'd love to have you join.
Start Today
You don't need Helmly to start. You just need one page per person.
Pick your tool:
- Confluence
- Notion
- Google Docs
- Markdown in Git
- Physical notebook
Create one profile. Log one 1-on-1. Review it before your next meeting.
Your team will notice immediately.
What system do you use for 1-on-1s? Drop a comment. I'd love to hear what's working (or not working) for other engineering managers.
Follow my build log on Twitter @HelmlyApp - I'm building Helmly in public and sharing what I learn about management systems, product development, and scaling relationships.
Top comments (0)