I promise — this will be the first and last post about me. From now on, I’ll try to keep things professional and focus on interesting topics.
I’ve always admired people who can explain complex technical ideas, or even talk about themselves, in a way that’s simple, engaging, and clear.
Lately, I’ve started journaling everything I do: what I learn, small wins of the day or week — anything that helps me stay aware of my journey, where I started, and where I’m heading.
Every morning, when I wake up, one of my first feelings is anxiety — the pressure to hit some goal of the day: read a book for 30 minutes, study one hour for a certification, journal, do something productive… and in the rush, I completely forget to breathe.
I’m writing this mainly to help myself. I read somewhere that writing your thoughts down can help you “debug” yourself. Maybe it’ll help someone else too.
Am I the only one obsessed with the idea of constant self-improvement? Every day feels like the day — the day I must make progress, and if I do, I expect to see immediate results.
But that’s not how it works (unfortunately).
How It Started
Six years ago, right after earning my Master’s degree in Computer Science and just before the pandemic hit, I started working as a Software Engineer at a consulting company.
Honestly, back then I didn’t want to be a developer.
Just the thought of deadlines, hidden bugs, building UIs and apps… it gave me a headache. I dreamed of a classic “9-to-6” job — no stress, no crunch, no chaos.
(Please don’t judge me — I was young, and I’m human.)
Anyway, if you’ve worked in consulting, you know the drill. You get hired, and then… you may wait. No clients. Just waiting.
Waiting for a project, waiting for a chance — any chance.
Luckily (yes, luckily), my first opportunity came in the form of a .NET Desktop application to develop with another colleague — both of us at our first job.
And that was it — despite all my efforts to avoid coding, fate had other plans.
Before I knew it, my life became a cycle of team meetings, client calls, demos, tasks, unit tests… and yes, deadlines.
I’ll spare you the details of how hard that first experience was — the unrealistic expectations, the pressure, the learning curve — but I want to highlight two things:
- I realized I liked that life.
- And surprisingly, I really liked .NET and C#.
It was a revelation. A real mind-blower.
From Confusion to Clarity
I remember the early months vividly. I’d look in the mirror and think:
“Really? You? Are you serious?”
But despite the sleepless nights and a few scoldings from clients, I discovered something unexpected:
I was having fun. I was being creative.
And it changed everything.
It was the one variable I hadn’t considered. Creativity.
It turned out to be the key to my career.
The Illusion of Constant Growth
At this point, you might expect a happy ending — that everything went smoothly from there, that I found my path and got better every day.
Not quite.
Once I found my way, another problem surfaced: the obsession with always improving.
Some days I feel really anxious — maybe I’m stuck doing boring or repetitive tasks, and I start thinking,
“Everyone else is building something meaningful while I’m stuck here.”
I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s probably more realistic to say that most people in tech aren’t changing the world every day.
Most of the time, we’re just facing challenges, fixing issues, and solving small problems — and over time, those little efforts can lead to something big.
I started coding in my free time, thinking it would help me grow, land a better job, learn a new framework, or build a product or startup.
But recently, I realized something: that mindset doesn’t come from love for software engineering.
It comes from anxiety and unrealistic expectations.
When your hobby becomes something that must deliver results — a business, a skill, a product — then it stops being a hobby.
So now, I’m trying to reset my mindset.
I want to code, study, or explore a topic just for the joy of it. For myself.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. I can even suck.
And that’s fine — because in that space, in my space, I feel free.
Free to experiment, take risks, create something useless, and enjoy the moment.
The Work on Myself
While writing this, I’m fully aware that shifting to this mindset isn’t easy.
It’s a daily process — journaling, analyzing habits, building new ones, letting go of others.
It takes commitment.
Awareness.
And the ability to celebrate small wins every day.
There’s probably no perfect recipe for becoming a great software engineer.
But I like to believe this:
Even if the path seems boring or pointless some days, if you try to improve just 1% each day, eventually you’ll reach a tipping point — where all the knowledge and effort you’ve accumulated finally pays off and becomes something powerful.
Thanks for reading. If you’ve felt similar emotions in your journey, I’d love to hear your story too.
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