It's pronounced Diane. I do data architecture, operations, and backend development. In my spare time I maintain Massive.js, a data mapper for Node.js and PostgreSQL.
O/RMs don't help with this kind of situation. They operate at the level of discrete records and translate them to&from objects and object graphs. Here, it's what's in the records that matters, and specifically the relationships of multiple records in the same table. It can't be abstracted to the O/RM level; SQL is the only option.
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Not really an answer, but if you don’t wanna deal with SQL you could try using an ORM.
O/RMs don't help with this kind of situation. They operate at the level of discrete records and translate them to&from objects and object graphs. Here, it's what's in the records that matters, and specifically the relationships of multiple records in the same table. It can't be abstracted to the O/RM level; SQL is the only option.