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Ronald S

To be honest it sounds like you're comparing yourself to experienced programmers and expecting yourself to be an expert in a few months. Everyone's first steps will be exploring possibilities, finding a branche/direction/language in which you'll feel comfortable and just simply messing around. Let something grasp you, and go for it. If it doesn't, so be it, if it does, stick to it. Be patient & keep control. :)

If you notice you're "obsessing" over this subject (which you are), take some time doing something completely different. Fancy cooking, reading philosophy, working out, anything to clear your mind for a while.