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Discussion on: Why I wear purple lipstick and code skirts

that__anna profile image

I have actually not ever been in a conference to be honest. But I'm often the only female-bodied person at work or amongst a group of friends. I rarely notice unless somebody points it out. If the others are being assholes about it (e.g. cracking jokes about domestic labor) then I don't think it's an issue of "being the only woman in the room" but rather of "being the only sensible persoon amongst assholes". It could be women that are the assholes so gender is not very relevant.

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thejessleigh profile image
jess unrein

I am so glad for you that that has been your experience. However, the “both sides”ing here isn’t super accurate. If women are assholes, they are statistically less likely to be in positions of power to enact their bad opinions against you, and in my experience, groups of men, even who are well meaning non-assholes, can get thoughtless and downright mean in their rhetoric when they don’t realize they’re perpetuating a sexist belief or harmful joke.

I’ve generally found it helpful in my life not to view people as assholes, or think that cruelty is an immutable fact of their person. It’s usually because they’re unaware of a power differential, or an unquestioned belief. Increasing the visibility of underrepresented groups in tech helps counteract those unquestioned beliefs and make the space more liveable for everyone.