The CI pipelines were green, release workflow finished with the same few warnings I’d been ignoring for months. Crona was finally stable. I’d done it, built the app. I lean back in my chair, equal parts exhausted and ecstatic, tell myself “good job,” and call it a day.
Next day, I sat down at my desk, slipped into the same routine I’d followed for months.
Coffee. Editor. Terminal.
I opened the repository and just stared at it. There was nothing left to build.
Sure there are bugs, A feature request here and there. A bit of tech debt I’d been ignoring, but majority of the work was done.
For months, every spare minute was dedicated to this. Every commute, every walk somehow turned into an architecture discussion with myself. Suddenly all of that fell silent, I’d gotten so used to the daily chaos that the stability felt wrong.
I’d started looking for problems to fix.
Maybe the warnings are worth solving now, maybe I can refactor the codebase to be “cleaner”, maybe SQLite wasn’t the right choice, maybe, maybe, maybe.
It took me a while to realise, I wasn’t looking for work, I was looking for the feeling of having work. I don’t know if withdrawal is the right word for it, but it wasn’t boredom. It felt like finishing a really good book, instinctively reaching for the next chapter only to find About the Author.
I’d gotten attached to the routine more than the codebase. At some point, building Crona became more than a chore, it became a part of my daily routine and to some extent me. So when the codebase stopped demanding that of me, I suddenly had to answer a question I hadn’t asked myself in a long time.
What do i do now?
To be honest, I don’t have an answer, over the last few days my mind has been working overtime to find the next thing the becomes my routine, new tools to build, weird experiments I can do, rebuilding my portfolio, even writing this blog.
Part of me realise it’s just another way to avoid the silence. To replace one obsession with another. Perhaps I’ll find another project to occupy my time, perhaps I won’t.
For now I’m trying to learn something I haven’t considered before:Sitting in the quiet.
Originally published on https://webxsid.com/.
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