The true code behind the explosive buzzword marketing messages

AI driven personalization and individualization

if (isReturningUser) {
  message = 'Welcome back!';
} else {
  message = 'Welcome!';
}

Cutting-edge security algorithms

const hashedPassword = sha256(password);
// TODO: read about salt

AI-based text sentiment analysis

sentence.split(',').forEach((phrase) => {
  if (['angry', 'upset', 'pissed off', 'disappointed', 'absurd', 'manager', 'get me your manager', 'get me the manager', 'I want to speak with the manager', 'your manager', 'the manager', 'a manager', 'shut up!', '!!!', 'insane', 'crazy', 'stop arguing with me', 'would you just listen?!', 'how many times', 'no!', `${F_WORD} you!`, `${F_WORD} off!`, `${F_WORD}!`].includes(phrase)) {
    return SENTIMENTS.ANGRY;
  } else {
    return SENTIMENTS.NEUTRAL;
  }
  // TODO: We are not using SENTIMENTS.HAPPY - consider removing
});

Rendering engine

function render() {
  components.forEach(c => render(c));
}

State of the art rendering engine

function render() {
  requestAnimationFrame(() => {
    components.forEach(c => render(c));
  });
}

Analytics

function sendAnalytics(event) {
  sendToServer('/analytics', event);
}
button.onclick = () => sendAnalytics('clicked');

Actionable Analytics

function sendActionableAnalytics(event) {
  sendToServer('/analytics', event);
}
button.onclick = () => sendActionableAnalytics('clicked');

Real-time collaboration

setInterval(() => {
  fetch('https://api.server.com/newData').then(isNewData => {
    if (isNewData) {
      this.refreshEverything();
    };
  });
}, 1000);

Data driven business intelligence

if (customer.lastLoggedIn < new Date() - 3 * MONTHS) {
  sendSmartAlert(SMART_ALERTS.USER_CHURN_ALERT);
}

Contribute more examples using the comments

If you think of funnier examples - comment and I'll include them (if they're good)