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Atif Aiman
Atif Aiman

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Just a personal note of 2021

Salam and hello everyone 🙌.

Sorry for not posting articles lately. I was caught on things that makes both my hands full.

Since I start my career as front-end developer 2 years ago, I have always told myself to focus on what I want to be. For that, I hunger for knowledge, learn from foundations to the frameworks such as React. Of course, I always enjoy learning and discovering new things.

But, of course, some circumstances didn't allow me to keep consistent a bit. Upon my company's closure 2 years back, I actually desperate to keep myself relevant, deciding to take whatever role that is related, which is Javascript and NodeJS, thus me taking a job as full stack developer. During that time, though I was assigned to single-handedly manage, develop and deliver 2 projects (in which I hope one of them will be launched soon) from zero, and being a junior at that time, without proper guidance makes me out of confidence. Although now the project has been handed over to another team, I am really glad the project is now in queue for release.

This "imposter syndrome" has been with me for 2 years, so at least now I know how to handle my insecurity. Even though I didn't have guidance at that time because of the full schedule of every team member at that time, I won't deny we actually have a supportive team when I voice out my concern and my stress at that time. It is just unfortunate that I haven't been compensated for the hardship they faced at that time. At least, my passion is still burning despite my extreme burnout.

At the end of this year, I change the team and is assigned to lead a team. I would say that I actually love the product since it aligns with my mission, to develop a product for the community, though it is still not my focus, which is frontend development. Here, I had to learn everything, including languages and management. Not that I do not enjoy learning new things, for I actually love to learn a lot of things. Just now, for the first time, I feel my passion starting to dissipate, and me struggling to actually continue doing what I should do. Not that I don't love doing this kind of thing, but the thing that is happening lately kept me from being my best.

I thought being busy is something good, but the problem is I didn't feel I do anything useful. I become frequently sick, not motivated each day like I used to.

The reason why I write this article, which is personal to me, is to let others know that "passion death" is real. I believe some of you might have the same, or at least similar issues. Just imagine, from me writing nearly every week, and suddenly I don't feel like writing at all. And I am not including my work yet.

I believe I need recalibration. I need to get back on track. I had to take drastic measures to put myself back on track. I am not blaming anyone for my passion death, so I need to realign my focus, revise my mission and take radical action to burn my passion back.

Pray for me guys, entering 2022 I will get back myself and continue to share knowledge with you guys, for that matters a lot to me, to give back to the community. I will still take hiatus for another period of time, and I will come back stronger when I can share again with the world. Again, I am sorry for the hiatus, and I will take this time I have to sort things out. Chill guys and peace be upon ya!

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