October 15th, 2020

I have been writing small writings on Tumblr for some time now but the problem with writing in there is that there are some limitations to how much content I can put in. Let's talk about the main reason behind me writing at all. I write because I want to express what I have inside me. The words that I want to express but not to people around me. I face problem in talking to people about anything and mostly if the topic is related to me. Writing an article about it and leaving out in the wild feels relieving.
Let's focus on now.
I had a focus shifting stage in my life a few months ago. I was in a roll. I was working on my small projects with good focus. I was working out daily like a mad man and I was taking my diet very seriously. But the after that month of focus shifting everything changed and I strongly believe that I am still unable to get back on track. So the reason for writing this article is that I want to communicate or rather I may say talk to my self to address what I was doing write and why I was able to do them at that time and why I am not able to do those things now.

what I was doing right before that focus shifting month

1. I was tracking my budget.

   Yes. And very precisely. The reason why I was tracking my monthly budget was that I wanted to save some money. I wanted to direct a certain amount of money that I was having with me after all the essential expenditures, to some real reasonable places of my personal life. I wanted to full fill need of a diet, online subscription and yet after all that I wanted to save some money just for the sake of saving. The thing was of noting down my expenditures in an excel sheet I was staying in a good habit of knowing what was that I need to spend my hard-earned money on and what was that I needed. I was starting to look at things with a different eye. I was evaluating anything that my money could buy with an eye of extreme scepticism.

2. I was working out daily and was managing my diet with extreme precision

   Working out daily maintaining a strict mindset to continue that daily is something that I miss now. I was maintaining my food intake time and my food types soo precisely that I kind of feel ashamed of my current self as compared to my past self for how I am eating these days. But trust me, the way I eat these days is health AF but if I start to compare my current self to the past self then you will know how fucked up my current diet is.

3. Calender management

   I still do manage my calendar but again just like my past diet routine my current calendar management should not be compared to past habits. I used to edit and follow my calendar blocks with extreme precision and I was experiencing the results of it. After all, that was the very reason why I got started with calendar colour blocking.

What I am doing now

I don't exercise daily. I don't follow my calendar blockings even though maybe I had spent the whole evening planning and placing the blocks in place for my self to follow. I don't follow the timings for when I should be eating and when I should not be. If I have to add more to this then I will say that I used to at least try meditating daily. I used to try to read books daily and work on the codes daily. But these days I don't.

why is it the way it is?

Because maybe at those perfect times it was a full lockdown situation when I didn't have to think about going to work or solving any office related problems or feels extremely tired making that a reason for not working out. This is the fact that I need to accept now. The times have changed a lot. Things aren't the way they were during those perfect lockdown times. I used to plan and arrange my days according to those huge free times and weeks and months I had for the lockdown situation.

But now I have many more things that I need to focus on. I need to adapt.

I have to see that I have lesser time in hand for my self. I have lesser energy per day to focus on daily workouts. I much lesser time focus on the budget maintenance. I have to solve problems related to my office. So I have to be more realistic.

So what is the solution to this and what should I do?

First of all, I need to be more disciplined. I have to be more focused on what I want as according to my absolute needs. So to be more focused on what my needs are, I need to identify what my absolute needs are.

what are my absolute needs that I should be and I must be on large to smaller-scale daily?

1. I should be going to be early and getting out of bed early. This is most important and the most helpful habit I was in during the lockdown situation and I have to do it again. In bed by 10 to 10:30 pm and out of bed by 6 am.
2. At least 10 minutes of meditation daily. I mean is it that hard to get 10 minutes out of a day? NO. I need to meditate daily starting from tomorrow.
3. Read a book with 100% focus for just an hour. So out of 16 waking hours a day, I can get 1 hour to read a book with full focus. No excuse. Needs to be daily.
4. Diet and exercise. No eating after 8:30 pm and no eating before 12:30 pm. It should not be that hard. come on. Just pre-plan the workout time and available times to eat and whooa. That's it. Exercise should be done daily. No days off. Even if you feel tired just start skipping ropes. Feel the intensity of it and easily flow will be there to help.
5. Coding daily. This part should be done even if the amount is very little and insignificant. Should be done daily and managed via calendar blocking just like the others.
6. Journaling should be done regularly? NOPE. don't stack things up like that. Just do it on a day when you feel like really doing it or you feel like you can.
7. You should have a perfect time out of a day when you browse through your social media and youtube and all the entertainment staff. Don't let these entertainment staff go spread throughout your day. I am not saying that entertainment is not important. But I am saying that entertainment between staff that are important to be hard focused on can become poisonous. So gather all the entertaining staff and access them at a very specific time of the day so that they don't mess up your routine.

Okay. Now I have my mind clear and I can now focus on how to arrange my days and how to stay focused on my routine. This talking to my self through writing feels very natural. Feels like l am talking in front of a mirror. It served the purpose and cured the craving I was having. The craving of talking and sharing these problems and words and thoughts with someone. I feel relieved. I feel more sincere and more intellectual. I feel more disciplined. Or at least I feel like I know that I have to be more disciplined and I know how to be more disciplined because I talked to my self. I asked my self some important questions. I frightened my inner self soo much that it felt forced to answer all my questions. I got all my answers and now I am going to take the necessary steps needed to achieve the perfecting. But as a final statement, I like to remind myself of one thing

I can never achieve perfection in my daily life or anything. The reason is not me. The reason is perfection is an elusive goal that we all the humans try to achieve. But what matters is the steps that we take or that are necessary to be taken to reach perfection. It's the process of achieving your goals that brings the real changes not the goal itself. So never blame your self for not being able to be or make a perfect day out of every day. Remember that you honestly tried and there is always a tomorrow. So learn from the mistakes and try again tomorrow.