A colleague you are helping has just run their first design review. It went fine, mostly. They talked too long at the start, missed one direct question, and handled the hardest objection well. You have your three points ready.
Before you say any of them, ask a question. How do you think it went?
It sounds like a soft opening. It is actually the most useful move you have, for several reasons.
Most people already know the main thing. Nine times out of ten they will say something like, I think I rambled at the beginning. Now you do not have to deliver that point at all. You only have to agree with it and maybe add one detail. Feedback somebody reaches on their own sticks far better than feedback handed to them, because it is already theirs.
You find out what they are worried about, which is not always what you noticed. They might be anxious about a moment you barely registered. If you skip that and go straight to your list, they will nod through your three points while still replaying the thing that is actually bothering them.
You learn how well they see their own work. If they are much harsher on themselves than the situation deserves, your job is mostly to restore proportion. If they think it was flawless and it was not, you know you need to be clearer and more specific. Both are important to know before you open your mouth.
Then listen to the whole answer. Do not wait for a gap to start your list. Ask one follow up. What would you do differently next time? Let them finish.
Only then add what they missed, and keep it short. The question you did not answer was the one about data retention. I think it matters because the security lead will raise it again. One or two points, not everything you noticed.
End by agreeing together on the single thing to try next time. Not the full list. One thing they will actually remember on the day.
This takes slightly longer than just telling people. It is worth it, because they leave feeling like someone who is learning their craft, not someone who has just been graded.
– Asael Shinder
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