We always say that some people are patient, and others just aren't. Patience is sometimes referred to as a nature or character trait. But as with any muscle, patience can be developed. Can be taught, developed and enhanced by training. If someone doesn't get upset in a long line or a heated discussion, it isn't in their nature. They have been taught to STOP, BREATHE and CHOOSE their response.
In this article, I discuss why patience is a skill that can be learned, what hinders you from exhibiting patience, and some practical exercises to develop patience.
What Patience Really Means
Patience is NOT turning a blind eye or simply enduring. Being able to remain calm when things take longer than expected, are frustrating or challenging and to act rather than react. Even with a patient one can have goals and be irritated. They just don't allow their feelings to be the determining factor in every decision.
There are three major ways that patience is expressed:
- Gratis, lengthy lines, traffic and slow Internet are daily irritations.
- Relationships: listening, forgiving and giving time for others to grow.
- Currently, it is uncommon for patients to work through the long term, though this is achieved by some. In the long term it is rare for patients to work - some do.
Why Patience Is Hard Today
In this world of ours, we live in the present, life is happening now. A message in seconds, food in minutes and entertainment a tap away. This makes us believe that quick results should be given and when there is even a little delay then it becomes difficult. It makes it worse when there is a lot of stress, fatigue and constant alerts.
The bright side is that the brain which is used to being fast can learn to endure delay. When it's at its most challenging, reading messages about patience can be helpful. These quotes about patience will be on hand to read when your temper flares up, and you can browse them.
Practical Ways to Build Patience
Here are some suggestions to help develop patience:
1. Pause Before You React
Take a deep breath before reacting or responding when you feel frustrated. Three seconds of silence can mean the difference between a positive and negative tone.
2. Practice Slow Breathing
Take a deep breath in counting 1-2-3-4 and a deep breath out counting 1-2-3-4-5-6. Longer exhausts will help to relax the body's reaction to stress and are easier to think clearly from.
3. Name the Feeling
Mentally state, “I would like to be patient right now.” It's often easier to 'name' an emotion, and a bit less intense, and it helps to set some distance between you and the emotion.
4. Reframe the Delay
Don't view wait time as a lost time, rather make it a mini opportunity. Do so to stretch, to think, to listen to something calming, or just to be aware of what is going on around you.
5. Lower Unrealistic Expectations
Impatience is often the result of wanting things to take place at a quicker rate than is reasonable. Growth, healing and learning are all a process. Set realistic timelines.
6. Practice in Small Moments
On purpose, try to take the longest line at the store or put your cell phone in your pocket while waiting in line. Gradually practice the same skill that you would need to play in larger games.
7. Take care of your body
Too high of a caffeine intake, too little sleep and hunger can make you short-tempered. Eating the same foods regularly, rest, and movement can help to make patience easier.
8. Focus on Process, Not Just Results
Making your progress visible through small steps, like pages written, workouts done, lessons learned, and so on makes progress seem more tangible when your goal is still far down the road.
9. Listen Fully
Use the pause to form a response when speaking. This is a very easy habit to develop that will help build relationships and improve patience.
10. Don't rush through this - take your time.
It will take time for you to become relaxed. There will be times when you become angry that is OK. Don't let setbacks discourage you, use them as practice.
A Simple Plan to be Patient Each Week
Day 1: Before answering any message, take three deep breaths.
Day 2: Line up with cell phone off.
Day 3: Do not interrupt another person's speech.
On day 4: Say or write out loud your frustration.
Day 5: Make a long-term goal and write one small step to take toward it.
Day 6: Do one slow activity - such as cooking, walking, etc. - with focus.
Day 7: What helped you most? Do it again next week!
Patience in Relationships and Work
Patience at home is about allowing family members to share, develop and share what they have learned. In the workplace, it involves giving projects time to unfold, taking feedback proactively and without getting overly worked up, and not pressing decisions. In both locations, the patient are trusted by others, who feel safe in their presence.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- Being patient, not wanting to deal with conflict. Patience isn't synonymous with giving in to an individual or their behavior.
- Suppressing anger completely. Recognise emotions and respond to them in an appropriate manner.
- Expecting instant improvement. Skills build gradually.
- Self-comparison. There are many different pressures all of us have to deal with.
Keeping Motivation Alive
Sometimes a quick reminder will help when it's a tough day. A lot of individuals jot down a favoruite saying from a list of patience quotes on a sticky note, put it on their phone wallpaper or read before a dramatic conference. Take a slow breath with the reminder and it's quickly becomes a reset tool.
Final Thoughts
Patience is not the same as "never ending calm. It's all about the repetition of little practices that support you to respond, rather than react. This week try to build one habit first, like taking a second to pause before reacting (and see how that impacts your day). As time passes, patience becomes a silent power that has a positive effect on your health, relationships, and aspirations.
To get some encouragement daily, you can look up some more quotes on patience and retain the ones that help you to pause and stay calm.
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