Step 7: Cookie Consent and Other Ways to Obstruct the Web Pages
Everyone loves features and cookies, right? Well, not according to the EU. Make sure to add as many cookie consent notifications as possible to your website to ensure that your users can't actually use it.
Bonus points if you can find a way to block the back button or break the website on certain devices.
Step 8: Deadline Driven Development, Can We Get This Done Tomorrow? "I Believe in You."
Who needs realistic timelines and proper planning when we have well wishing and kind words? much like the plants I have serial murder, was it my obscene lack of water and maintenance or did they not have what it takes to survive in this fast-paced environment. Thats right just set ridiculous deadlines and expect your team to magically meet them, aim for the moon If you miss, you may hit a star. And when they inevitably fail, just tell them "I believe in you" put it down to the architecture and move on to the next deadline.
Step 9: Developing in Production, Last in First out
Why bother with a staging environment? Just push your code straight to production and hope for best. be sure to break the important stuff on Friday when the clock hits five, that's your problem now. or maybe there's a API for that see also Coping with a SAAS Addiction.
Step 10: Breaking Important Stuff on Friday, Just Let the Intern Fix It
It's Friday, the end of the week and time to kick back and relax. But before you do, why not break something important and let the intern deal with it? After all, they're the lowest on the totem pole and it will give them not only valuable experience but an opportunity to show just how much discretionary time they have been hiding. And if they can't fix it, well, there's always Monday to deal with it.
Step 11: Fundamentals of Establishing a Scapegoat
Things are falling apart and you have no idea how to fix them. Don't worry, just find someone to blame and all your problems will magically disappear. It could be a junior developer, a contractor, or even a vendor - anyone will do as long as they're not you.
So there you have it, the essential guide to surviving in the wild world of software development. Just follow these steps and you'll be a pro in no time! Or at least, you'll be able to pretend like you are. Good luck!"
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