100% this! When I do code reviews, I remember to always ask for clarification in a format like "what was the intent/your intention here?" instead of something like "why did you do it that way?"
As soon as one starts anything with "why", the receiver feels the need to be defensive. "Why" is an aggressive word and should be avoided.
Sorry, but "why" is not an aggressive word. Asking somebody why they did something is no more aggressive than asking what their intent was.
If "why" is coming across as aggressive in a code review, then it's because your overall code review experience is too adversarial, and needs to be reoriented to be more about achieving quality code, and less about blaming people for mistakes.
I love this! In the words of Erykah Badu "I'm and artist and I'm sensitive about my..." Coding is definitely an extension of creativity. Sound advice to keep defensive feelings out of it.
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