Wait, what? You want me to scream on purpose? Yes. And I promise this won’t lead to the Human Resources department knocking down your door. In fact...
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I've always had issues with anger and I have to differentiate between "expressing" and "releasing" anger.
The difference for me is intention: Releasing anger has to be intentional, not something done in the moment or even in the same location as the event (even if alone). Taking the moment to take a few deep breaths, walk away, then release the anger in a (mostly) controlled way can constructive for me.
Simply expressing anger can backfire, effectively allowing the expression to be a rote response over time.
As an aside: Have you read "The Cow in the Parking Lot" ?
Thank you for the comment, and thank you for beautifully summarizing the internal process of accepting the anger. Well done. :)
I have not read "The Cow In The Parking Lot" but it looks really interesting. Is it something worth picking up or is it more of a skim read?
(I would totally pick the book up but I've got a reading backlog that's even longer than my Steam video game backlog haha. Thankfully I'm mostly over my anger, but hey... we all slide sometimes)
I enjoyed the book quite a bit and have read it more than once, but it wasn't something I could skim (YMMV). If I remember right, there was some content from / inspired-by Thich Nhat Hanh, which was what brought to mind.
It's worth reading if you're interested in the subject, but was a bit "self-help-ish" if memory serves. Of course, I've slept since then, so... ;-)
Haha thank you. Yes, I’m clearly a Thich Nhat Hanh devotee. But that’s just because it’s hard to find Buddhist literature that focus as much in forgiveness. For some reason most of what I’ve picked up has felt, I don’t know... more strict?
So thanks for a fantastic recommendation. I don’t mind the self-help nature. I just clicked purchase. :)
I dig Thich Nhat Hanh's writing as well though I've not read as much of his work as I would like (only have a couple of his books, haven't finished them).
It does seem sometimes that what makes it to the west is less, I don't know, caring, maybe? Not sure I'm doing the sentiment justice. Things like the "enlightenment stick" and the master who "punched his student so hard he found enlightenment." I have it in my head that's Zen tradition, but I may be remembering it wrong.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the book. I think I'll read (finish?) The Miracle of Mindfulness now that I've got Hanh on the brain. That is, if I can pause trying to get Maya up to level 72 before September (BL3!!).
Go away from where ever you are at that moment. Go for a walk or go home for the day. Leave the meeting. This is something similar to what you learn as parent when the baby won't stop screaming: Just leave the room for a minute or two, if you feel you're losing control.
I ride my bike to work every day and naturally there are always people not behaving appropriately on the street and potentially endangering me. Depending on the severity I use a quick 👎 or🖕. Or a sarcastic 👍. Thankfully I had not yet have a situation where I need to confront the other party directly.
Great ideas! And you’re so totally right about the baby part. I’m so glad the hospital tells new parents that advice now.
And as a nice metaphor, sometimes when I put my baby down (if I’m getting frustrated) I come back two minutes later to find she’s fallen asleep. So sometimes accepting your anger (but not letting it control you) is a great way to see the anger disappear and for situation to resolve itself naturally. Thank you for the reminder.
When I'm at home I use a towel! Anger is useful, it means a boundary might have been crossed. Acting out of anger is another thing!
Thank you for saying that. That’s great insight. Yes, I have a feeling that people are afraid to talk about anger, but they shouldn’t be!
Yes there's a stigma about it. I'm only learning to get in touch with mine and harness it!
I work from home, so when I get mad I just scream at me computer screen, until i loose my voice.
haha that works too! :) Remote work can be challenging (I'm remote as well). How do you cope with the loneliness and potential alienation?