This is a bit of a departure from my typical blogging practice. Normally I discuss concepts I wish to firm up for myself for my own understanding, but this time I felt I wanted to address some other stuff to help organize my thoughts on this process up to now.
Why Am I Here??
This is a question I was asking of myself quite a bit over the last two weeks... Imposter syndrome setting in, burnout picking up, stress of the holidays being around the corner, the stresses of life in general. Found myself wondering where the days of the beginning of this program went, with the novelty of jumping into a new experience and having that hit of oxytocin that comes with finding something new that I enjoy.
I think this is something that all bootcamp participants feel to some extent--I'm actually certain of it--and it can easily crush someone under its pressure and force them to leave. In considering this pressure, I had to remind myself of everything that motivated me into this program to begin with...
I want a fulfilling career.
I want to have room for growth and options to progress myself.
I want to be able to support those around me I care for.
I want to be happier in my life.
These were the mantras that helped me push through and keep those negative thoughts, those creeping doubts, at a manageable level.
First tip: Try to remember why you're here.
Lean Into Your Support Group
When I was reminding myself of why I've made the decisions I've made, it became clear that I have more support than I give myself credit for. Family life has always been a bit strained, but my fiance and my friends have been rocks for me - I genuinely would not still be in this program without their support. Particular shoutout to my fiance Mad, strongest person I know.
I had to accept that I had to lean on these people in my life, because they were there for me by choice, and that I shouldn't feel guilty about accepting help from them.
Second tip: The people you keep in your life by choice likely want to be there for you, accept their support with gratitude.
Staying On-Track
This is perhaps the single greatest difficulty I have had in this program. For my life I have struggled with staying on-track with anything I was attempting as a result of my own mental health struggles. Over the years though, with some pretty hard work, I've been able to figure out a few things to help keep me directed...
- Mindfulness: This is just staying in the present, asking yourself the necessary (and at times difficult questions) about whether or not what you're doing is actually serving the goals you've set for yourself.
- Set Goals: Have a direction, that basically it. You might have to remind yourself at times, like when you're burning out in your program, of what those goals are. But keeping them in the back of your head can make pulling yourself back on-track a bit easier.
- Have a Plan: Life can be pretty sucky sometimes, and it can throw things at you you don't expect. I envy the people who can't empathize with it, but to me those people are basically unicorns. Having a plan in place to address how you handle those spikes in negative feelings, stress, depression, unexpected twists and turns, can be the difference between success and tripping back into old habits that might be interested in dragging you down.
Third tip: Be proactive, not reactive. It's harder to develop the tools to help yourself at the same time you need them.
Are You Still Feeling It?
This is a question I've kept asking myself, and the answer is always the same, this is a great program and a great opportunity. What I'm learning is fun and I enjoy it. That hasn't changed, just the context around it.
Fourth tip: Do what you love, you'll have a tough time keeping yourself above water in this program if you don't want to be here.
Here we are
If I had the choice to do this all again... I definitely would.
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