Fear.......

Thirty-seven.....thirty-seven years old. I have lived, loved and lost. Yet, a little blog post scares the shit out of me. Go figure! All that keeps coming into my mind is my swimming instructor. When I was younger I was put into swimming lessons after almost drowning at a local water park. The instructor shortly after starting the lesson asked me to go sit on the diving board. My heart raced as I walked over to the deep end and sat criss cross at the end of the diving board.

My instructor asked me to hang my feet over the edge, and began asking me about my likes and dislikes. What did I enjoy about school any friends that I had. I remember thinking to myself how weird are these questions. You and I are not here to make friends, and before I could continue the thought I was in the water. My instructor had pulled me in when I wasn’t paying attention. I was kicking and I remember feeling like a bobble head doll coming in and out of the water confident I was swallowing way more than I was spitting out.

Heart racing, arms flaring, and feet kicking.....I was doing it. What felt like an eternity in reality was only a few minutes. It took the instructor, the family that had brought me several minutes of scream to get my attention and calm be down enough to notice I was swimming. Calmer and listening to the instructions being given to me I slowly began to get better. Months later I was jumping off the high dive into the water no problem. I was no where near the level of professional divers and swimmers but I was proud of what I had accomplished. Looking back it was a really good lesson for me, one I would remember from time to time when my nerves got the better of me.

And look, my first post. Written, posted and out there. Sure the grammar may be bad, the spelling may be horrible. But I did it, and I am confident over time I will get better. The hardest part is over......breath.....think....repeat......