Having not been in that situation, there isn't any good advice I can give. But there are certainly ways around spending your free time on work, since family always comes first. Maybe working with your employer on some sort of 20% project arrangement, or strictly regimenting your time to only spend an hour or so on a project a night, or some other way around. I bet a post looking for advice from parents who have been there would be pretty popular!
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Having not been in that situation, there isn't any good advice I can give. But there are certainly ways around spending your free time on work, since family always comes first. Maybe working with your employer on some sort of 20% project arrangement, or strictly regimenting your time to only spend an hour or so on a project a night, or some other way around. I bet a post looking for advice from parents who have been there would be pretty popular!