Excitement and fear, I would say, is an appropriate response 😉
I have recently gone through this myself. I am 25 with a 15-month-old - but to be honest I remember the struggles of the first year vividly.
I imagine it might be harder being an engineering manager, with a team relying on you (depending on how self-sufficient they are). I was really struggling from about 2-6 months when my son was at his most demanding (he only wanted me to put him to sleep, and he needed that 5 or 6 times a day). My boss at the time had a 9-year-old, and some of the best advice he gave me to give me hope, was that remember things start getting easier after 6 months and by 1 year it will be significantly easier. There are new challenges as they get older, but the really hard ones fade away.
When my son was born I worked full-time, completed my university degree part-time, spent most of the rest of my time with my family. There will be times you can sneak in extra learning time if you want to. At those times it might be healthier either sleep or take some time to relax, but that's up to you.
Although I love my son deeply, the lack of freedom taking care of a child has been hardest on me. I now feel like having a baby takes away a huge amount of freedom all at once, and over the next 18 years, you are slowly clawing your freedom back. This can be challenging as far as work goes.
Everyone is different - and every baby is different. Although keeping your job is important, I would say try to keep in mind, when you look back on this time, the moments you'll never forget will be the ones with your baby: when they are born, the first time they hold something or when they fall asleep on your shoulder.
You CAN get through it though. It's pretty normal to worry about this and look for shared experiences online, in my opinion. Being a father hit me hard at times, and I did suffer from depression (with effects lingering even now). You will probably be constantly looking back and think "Wow, I remember when this baby was a screaming, slimy blob but now they can crawl, or walk, or say 'dada'".
Anyway, I really hope you do fine. I'm sure you will.
Sheesh — Working full time, new baby and completing university. That’s rough! Respect.
Lack of freedom seems for real. Sheesh. Especially as young as you were getting started. I’m 31 so I feel like I’m ready to be stuck with a baby. But we’ll see. 😬
Yea shit — baby first before career. This is so important to remember.
screaming slimy blob 🤣
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this up and your transparency. Means so much. ❤️
Also, don't be surprised if your daughter takes a few weeks/months to feel bonded to you. The man's role in baby-making is short and simple, and we're punished (or rewarded?) with babies generally being MUCH more attached to their mother's for a little while. Eventually, they like you though, like a friend.
Man — I'm glad that this thread is bringing this up. I did not expect this. Being less "bonded" than the wife. It makes sense though. Seems like it just takes longer. I've got time ¯_(ツ)_/¯ but that's an adjustment.
All good. When discussing children, many people are like "They will complete you! You'll be so happy! They are the light of your life!", but IRL it's not easy a lot of the time (this is especially bad for mothers IMO). I think it's better to be honest, so folks can manage their expectations.
That being said, the fact that my son can sit up on the couch on his own right now, and get up and down by himself is such a wild, amazing thing. He once could barely open his eyes and knew how to do nothing but eat and breathe. Machine learning is great and all, but you really see it has nothing on a human baby.
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Excitement and fear, I would say, is an appropriate response 😉
I have recently gone through this myself. I am 25 with a 15-month-old - but to be honest I remember the struggles of the first year vividly.
I imagine it might be harder being an engineering manager, with a team relying on you (depending on how self-sufficient they are). I was really struggling from about 2-6 months when my son was at his most demanding (he only wanted me to put him to sleep, and he needed that 5 or 6 times a day). My boss at the time had a 9-year-old, and some of the best advice he gave me to give me hope, was that remember things start getting easier after 6 months and by 1 year it will be significantly easier. There are new challenges as they get older, but the really hard ones fade away.
When my son was born I worked full-time, completed my university degree part-time, spent most of the rest of my time with my family. There will be times you can sneak in extra learning time if you want to. At those times it might be healthier either sleep or take some time to relax, but that's up to you.
Although I love my son deeply, the lack of freedom taking care of a child has been hardest on me. I now feel like having a baby takes away a huge amount of freedom all at once, and over the next 18 years, you are slowly clawing your freedom back. This can be challenging as far as work goes.
Everyone is different - and every baby is different. Although keeping your job is important, I would say try to keep in mind, when you look back on this time, the moments you'll never forget will be the ones with your baby: when they are born, the first time they hold something or when they fall asleep on your shoulder.
You CAN get through it though. It's pretty normal to worry about this and look for shared experiences online, in my opinion. Being a father hit me hard at times, and I did suffer from depression (with effects lingering even now). You will probably be constantly looking back and think "Wow, I remember when this baby was a screaming, slimy blob but now they can crawl, or walk, or say 'dada'".
Anyway, I really hope you do fine. I'm sure you will.
Sheesh — Working full time, new baby and completing university. That’s rough! Respect.
Lack of freedom seems for real. Sheesh. Especially as young as you were getting started. I’m 31 so I feel like I’m ready to be stuck with a baby. But we’ll see. 😬
Yea shit — baby first before career. This is so important to remember.
screaming slimy blob 🤣
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this up and your transparency. Means so much. ❤️
Also, don't be surprised if your daughter takes a few weeks/months to feel bonded to you. The man's role in baby-making is short and simple, and we're punished (or rewarded?) with babies generally being MUCH more attached to their mother's for a little while. Eventually, they like you though, like a friend.
Man — I'm glad that this thread is bringing this up. I did not expect this. Being less "bonded" than the wife. It makes sense though. Seems like it just takes longer. I've got time ¯_(ツ)_/¯ but that's an adjustment.
All good. When discussing children, many people are like "They will complete you! You'll be so happy! They are the light of your life!", but IRL it's not easy a lot of the time (this is especially bad for mothers IMO). I think it's better to be honest, so folks can manage their expectations.
That being said, the fact that my son can sit up on the couch on his own right now, and get up and down by himself is such a wild, amazing thing. He once could barely open his eyes and knew how to do nothing but eat and breathe. Machine learning is great and all, but you really see it has nothing on a human baby.