My grandma is in the hospital right now. I used my lunch hour to see her, before a fearless race from the hospital to the Office. I've been here almost 4 years, sick, sad, in the worst and best moments. I said goodbye to my best friend and had to come back to finish the day. Even when I'd covid they asked me for a phone extension and even a manual to solve problems that anyone could do, and that wasn't that urgent.
I said goodbye to her, in the middle of an atmosphere of pain and suffering, and then I ran as fast as I could to check before the clock says that I'm out of time. Now I'm crying, I can't handle myself but I'm here.
During the pandemic, they were tracking everything we do, questioning and researching, all the time, how we made our work from home. I'm a developer, I could do my work from anywhere with just an internet connection and a computer. I don't want to sound arrogant but I can handle a lot of stuff, for my age. But I'm here, with my low salary and my grandma is in the hospital with all my family (who are not slaves like me).
Why I didn't change to another job? I've plenty of offers, but with my low salary, I can't stand a single week without income. There's always something, somebody at home getting sick, an emergency in the house, debt from the car. Also, I feel bad about quitting, idk why I feel like I'm in debt with this job.
Maybe just with my boss. In all the time I've been here I never heard support or caring words from anyone but her. They can see you dying but they never care haha from each other. So weird.
My biggest debt is with the 80% of people who tells me that, with the money that I gain, all their problems would get solved. All that people who work 10-12 hours for the minimum, eating whatever and without a single day of rest. Sometimes I feel so bad, so selfish, and otherwise so dumb cause I've 2 or 3 job offers to wait for a yes in the door.
Maybe with remote and flexible work nowadays I could be there, with my family, or when my dog passed away I could stand in front of her graveyard, saying "thank you for a lifetime with you" instead of running with my heart in intense pain to be here, always here.
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