re: Feeling excluded and sad for not getting positive feedback - How should I react? VIEW POST


Sometimes we ourselves tend to be overly sensitive and biased regarding our surroundings. I mean our mind tends to play a negative story of what's happening around us (maybe it is something that is there since immemorial times when we were living on a cave and with dinossaurs) and we tend to act and react defensively to a perceived "hostile" environment.
I think we all, now and then, fall on that trap and replay what has happened (or not) on our minds and replay them over-and-over-and-over-again...
So (based on my 20+ years of experience on this business) I would recommend you 2 things:

  • don't give too much importance about it (meaning, don't take it too personally). try to relax, seriously.
  • second: journal everything that happens on your dailly work routine, and I mean EVERYTHING. Have a spreadshet (like I do) where I add a line for each good or bad thing that happens to you (and your colleagues - if your're a team lead or responsible for others work). Examples:

    • some congrats email from colleague or customer - write it down,
    • some frustration passed onto you when chatting online with your boss - take not of that
    • something you contributed to deliver the task on time - write it
    • some problema dealing with a co-worker that sistematicaly delays his/her answer to something - write it
    • a proactive action you took on day X to achieve Y
    • if a colleague complains about something that was misuderstood by you - write it down
    • you staied late to make sure something was delivered on time - write it
    • and so on...

Not only will this boost your morale (you're looking at your own list of personal achivements) - and we do tend to forget things we did couple of months ago (you can imagine what the others forget - they don't even know what you did last week).
Everyone is concerned with him or herself afterall so it is "normal" to forget the "other" - the quotes here are of high significance ;o) - even if you're not a selfish person. It is just human nature.

And then... with that list in hand, next time you have a perfomance evaluation or wathever, you can bring your own "narrative" of the story supported by FACTS (this is the important word here).

And these FACTS are the ones you wrote down on your journal.

There's no ambiguity and no BS.
Just cristal clear conversation... and expectations.

Hope this helps.

Good Luck

/Ricardo (Portugal)

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