Turned my phone back on after a weekend off. Biggest mistake of my life.

Kept it off all weekend. Bliss. Pure, uninterrupted bliss.
Powered it back on and immediately got carpet-bombed with calls. Non-stop. All. Day. Long.
My ass is literally falling apart from sitting in this chair. I keep telling myself I'll quit smoking but at this point nicotine is the only thing holding my mental health together.
Can't even remember the last time a woman held me. The only thing embracing my backside these days is hemorrhoids.
Anyway, happy hump day everyone. We're halfway to doing this all over again.