Somebody is upset with something your team did. A customer, a stakeholder, another engineer whose morning you ruined with a deploy. They start talking, and within about fifteen seconds they say something that is not quite true.
It was down all day. It has never worked. Nobody told us anything.
Your instinct is to correct that, immediately, because it is wrong and you have the data. Resist it, because the moment you do, the conversation stops being about the problem and becomes an argument about the facts, and you will win that argument and lose everything else.
Let them get to the end. All of it, including the exaggerated part. People who are frustrated need to finish the sentence before they can hear anything, and a person interrupted at fifteen seconds will simply start again from the beginning, louder.
When they stop, say back the part that is true. Your exports failed for most of yesterday afternoon and you had no idea it was happening until a customer told you. That one sentence does more than any explanation, because it proves you were listening rather than waiting.
Then ask one question that shows you want the detail rather than the exit. Which reports were you trying to run. When did you first notice.
Only now, and only if it matters, correct the facts. Once, briefly, without triumph. The outage window was two hours rather than the whole day, though I understand it landed on the worst two hours you had.
Skip the internal cause. Nobody in this state wants your architecture, and a detailed technical explanation reads as an excuse even when it is not. Give them the thing they actually need, which is what happens next and when. I am fixing the alert today, and I will message you by Thursday to tell you it is done.
Then do that. The follow up message is where the repair actually happens.
One more thing worth knowing early. Most of the heat is not aimed at you personally, even when your name is in the sentence. And on the rare occasions when it is, letting it finish still works better than anything else you could do.
– Asael Shinder
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