It has been going on for a few weeks. A colleague you get on with has started coming into the office with a noticeable body odour. People have begun choosing desks further away. Someone made a remark in the kitchen, and two others laughed. Nobody has said anything to him. You suspect that if anyone is going to, it will have to be you.
This is one of the hardest kinds of feedback there is, because it is not about work at all. It is about someone's body, and it touches on embarrassment for both of you. That is exactly why it so often goes unsaid, while the person concerned becomes the subject of jokes they do not know about. Being told kindly, once, in private, is much better than that.
First, check whether it is your place. If you are close to him, or the most senior person on the team, it may well be. If you hardly know him, it may be better coming from his manager, who will also know whether there is something going on that you do not. Many organisations have guidance on this kind of conversation, and HR can often help a manager handle it well. How these situations are dealt with can vary by country and by company, so it is worth checking what yours expects.
Remember that there may be a reason. Changes like this can come from a health condition, a new medication, stress, a problem at home, or a change in circumstances such as losing access to a washing machine. Go in curious, not judging.
Choose the moment carefully. In private, somewhere you will not be interrupted, not just before a meeting he has to lead. A short walk or a quiet room works better than his desk.
Keep it short, direct and kind. Something like, I wanted to mention something, and I hope it is all right to say it, because I would want someone to tell me. I have noticed a smell recently, and I did not want you to hear about it some other way. Then stop, and let him respond. The most common mistake is to soften it so much that the message is lost, so he leaves without understanding what you meant.
Do not say that other people have noticed, even though they have. It turns a private conversation into a public humiliation. Speak only for yourself.
Be ready for any reaction. Embarrassment, anger, or a sudden explanation are all normal. You do not need to fix the cause. If he mentions something difficult, listen, and point him towards whatever support exists at work.
Afterwards, treat him exactly as before. And if you hear the remarks again in the kitchen, ask people to stop. That part is feedback too.
– Asael Shinder
Top comments (0)