In your review, your manager is mostly positive. Your work is strong, people rely on you, and your code reviews are thoughtful. Then comes the one note to work on. You need to speak up more in meetings. You nod, and spend the rest of the week feeling slightly misunderstood.
Maybe you are quiet because you like to think before you talk. Maybe the meetings move too fast, or the same three people fill every pause. Whatever the reason, being told to simply be louder can feel like being asked to become someone else.
Here is a useful way to look at it. Most feedback has two parts, the outcome someone wants and the behaviour they think will get it. The outcome is usually reasonable. The behaviour they suggest is only one way of getting there, and often it is just the one that works for them.
So go back and ask about the outcome. What would be different if I spoke up more? You might hear that decisions are being made without your view, even though you clearly have one. Or that senior people do not know how much you contribute. Or that newer colleagues would benefit from hearing how you think. Each of those is a real problem, and each has more than one solution.
Then offer your own version. If you think best in writing, share a short note before the meeting with your view on the main question. If the pace is the problem, ask whoever runs the meeting to leave a moment for anyone who has not spoken. If decisions happen too quickly, ask if you can come back with a considered answer by the end of the day. Tell your manager what you plan to try, so they can notice it.
It is still worth stretching a little. Choose one meeting a week where you make sure you say one thing, even a question. It gets easier, and the people around you will start to expect your view.
But you do not need to turn into the loudest person in the room. You need your thinking to reach the decisions it should shape. Once you and your manager agree on that, you can find a way that suits you.
– Asael Shinder
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