Halfway through your session, your mentee asks how they should decide when to split a service. You answered that exact question five weeks ago. You remember the whiteboard. You feel a small, unworthy flicker of irritation.
Let it pass, and get curious instead. A repeated question is not a sign that somebody was not listening. It is one of the most useful signals a mentor ever gets, because it tells you something did not stick, and the reasons are almost never laziness.
Start by asking what they remember. Not as a test. Last time we talked about this, what stayed with you? Their answer shows you exactly where the first explanation broke. Often they kept the conclusion and lost the reasoning, which means they could repeat your rule but could not apply it to the case in front of them now.
Then ask what has changed. Very often the question only sounds the same. Five weeks ago it was a hypothetical. Today there is a real service, a real deadline and a lead who disagrees. That is a different question wearing the same words, and it deserves a fresh answer rather than a replay.
Sometimes the question underneath is not technical at all. They know the answer. What they want is somebody to tell them it is fine to act on it. If you suspect that, say so gently. I think you already know what you would do here. Talk me through it. Then let them, and confirm only what is right.
And sometimes, honestly, the problem was your explanation. You gave a tidy principle and no example, or you answered in a hurry at the end of the hour. Try a different way in this time. A story from a system you worked on. A sketch. One concrete case where splitting went badly.
Before you finish, ask them to write the answer down in their own words and send it to you. Read it. If it matches what you meant, the idea is now theirs. If it does not, you have found the gap while it is still cheap to fix.
The questions people ask twice are usually the ones that matter most to them. Treat the second time as an invitation to teach it properly.
– Asael Shinder
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