Somebody posts a pull request in the team channel and adds, do not worry, it is not one of yours, it will only take ten minutes to review. Everyone laughs, including you. It is the fourth time this month that your pull requests have been the joke. They are big, everyone knows they are big, and it has become a gentle running gag. Nobody has ever actually said anything to you directly.
That is exactly why it is worth paying attention to. A joke that keeps coming back is often feedback that people did not know how to give any other way. Telling a colleague their reviews are exhausting feels awkward. Making a light joke about it feels friendly. The message is still the same one.
So take it seriously, even if it was meant lightly. Do not get defensive in the channel, and do not laugh it off for another month either. Laughing along tells everyone the message has been received, when really it has only been absorbed.
Go and ask someone privately, preferably the person you trust most on the team. I have noticed my pull requests have become a bit of a running joke. Is there something real behind it? I would honestly like to know. Asking like that makes it easy for them to be straight with you, and most people are relieved to finally say it properly.
Listen for the specific complaint. Is it the size, the lack of description, the number of unrelated changes in one go, or the time it takes you to respond to comments? The joke only gives you the theme. The conversation gives you something you can act on.
Then change something visible. Split your next piece of work into three smaller pull requests. Add a summary at the top. Ask the team in the next retro whether it is better. When people see you have heard them, the joke usually fades by itself, and sometimes turns into a compliment.
And notice whether your team is joking about anyone else. If people give feedback mostly through humour, that is worth raising too, kindly, so the next person does not have to decode it.
– Asael Shinder
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