A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. One of the things I’ve learned after being diagnosed is that there is so much I don’t know and I...
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You're my hero, Bekah. Literally. I'm so grateful you shared your experience. Thank you ❤️
Thanks, Arit. This one felt particularly vulnerable ❤️
You did well. I couldn't imagine how I could cope with switching career to coding and taking care of four kids. I struggle already with zero kids.
Thanks, Annie. I used to feel the same way. But you adapt when you have to.
Thank you for writing this. Some people do feel like ADHD is made up, and some others talk about the adderall issues with students using it as a study drug, I recall some documentary I watched on Netflix about these things. There may well be some overprescribing and issues with that, but when you’re an adult and diagnosis explains so much of your life then it’s very affronting when people even raise these issues. Especially when you are successful and have 4 kids!!!
I am now... older... and have kids and I was diagnosed as a teenager. It’s hard at home with Covid and working but I also recognize my wife shoulders a significant amount of the kids stuff so full respect to you. I do my best but husbands should be given more time and understanding from workplaces (and we should make more effort ourselves).
I have at various times been on and off medications including Ritalin, dexamphetamine and Vyvanse and also behavioral, exercise and other therapies. Of the medications Vyvanse is the better one because it is slow release and consistent. One drawback I have with the medications is that whilst it provides me with motivation and passion for what I am working on, it sometimes interferes with my ability to make sensible prioritization decisions. So for example I will hyper focus on something that is interesting but not important or perhaps completely irrelevant for my job. In that sense it is enhancing my tendency to distraction and hyper focus, and it becomes really important and hard to course-correct what it is I am working on.
One thing that is really important is sunshine and nature. Whilst it is easy to get into the zone with these medications and work for long stretches I think it is important to get outside and spend some time not looking at a screen, preferably looking at nature.
Thanks for sharing your story, it’s important that more people do.
Thanks for sharing your story! I’ve similarly been struggling with ADHD and finally sought help this summer. I’m now on Vyvanse (40mg) and it’s significantly increased my consistency and mental fortitude. Best of luck in your journey!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this! I "inherited" some ADHD from my kids -- ie, understood somethings about myself while learning to raise two dual-exceptional children -- and it put some pieces together for me. I know EXACTLY what you mean about coding & hyperfocus. (LOL my problem? Too MANY things to hyperfocus on - coding, my fiber crafts, learning to paint, identifying birds, reading, games ...)
I won't give advice but if it's reassuring at all - I've long since launched both my kids, they are successful on their own terms, and I am happily coding away (remotely) in my 'third act' dream home up on the south shore of Lake Superior, which my spouse and I somehow managed to get to!
Really enjoyable read Bekah, this latter part resonated with me, “When I was diagnosed I was both overwhelmed and had a sense of relief”... it can be scary when new situations are thrown at us, however in this case, it can enable us to have that ‘aha’ moment that really connects many dots and maybe reside some confusion from past experiences.
My final comment would be that I admire you and many others who have a world of responsibility to others but still manage to succeed under these conditions. Personally, my current levels of responsibilities are very pale in comparison and I find daily life a challenge as it is. All the credit to you!
Ooof, your situation sounds a lot like mine, though I only have one kid.
The quarantine had me struggling, too, until the pieces for ADHD started falling into place for me, too. I was already working with a psychiatric nurse practitioner, trying to work out some severe fatigue issues I was facing (that seemed at first like depression, which I've dealt with off and on over the years), so that was helpful in fast-tracking trying ADHD medication.
Even so, I spent several long weeks desperately trying to be functional and do the work that I needed to do, and ended up in a sort of crash-course in coping mechanisms for retaining focus. I came across the book Make Time via the author's interview on a podcast I listen to, and while I haven't yet read the book, the interview had an action item that stuck out to me -- scheduling my day with a calendar template. When I had first heard it, I kind of laughed it off, because it seemed like some type of privileged pipe dream sort of thing. Schedule my day? I can't do that! My days are too different!
But after some time of my subconscious mulling it over, I realized a way that seemed like it would work for me, and in my desperation to be productive again, I gave it a try. The biggest thing for me was remembering that I don't have to stick to it religiously. It's just a template for my "ideal" day.
I ended up combining it with ClickUp (a to do list program on steroids, let me tell you) to make the items "todo items" that happened to sit on calendar, a pomodoro-like timer app for focused blocks (my trouble had been less about hyperfocus and more about getting focused, so this may or may not be relevant for you, but might be useful for avoiding going overboard with the hyperfocus session length), a knowledge management/aggregation system (I really like Foam, but Notion, Roam, and Obsidian are also great options), and a closed door (and working out with the husband to tag-team handling kid issues).
I still struggle some days (honestly, it's sometimes hard to focus on "work" stuff when it seems so banal and pointless compared to all the crap that's going on right now), but I found these things help, especially when I really need to get something over the finish line.
My basic workflow looks something like this:
If your husband really can't break away during the day, it might be useful to lean into "mom mode" during the day, and then block off a couple of hours in the evenings after your husband gets off work for your own deep work time. He takes over the role of handling the kids and you get your "reset" time. The key here is making sure he knows and understands your needs and you two work out an arrangement that works for you. (If you need larger blocks, consider taking weekend days to yourself or something.)
You'll find your groove before too long, I think. You've got this! :)
Ugh...that's known as "prior authorization." It's basically a hoop the insurance makes you jump through, because they don't want to pay for that thing. The insurance companies will say it's to prevent being prescribed something you "don't need" or "might have dangerous interactions" and as "cost reduction," but I call BS. I worked on one of the original systems that drug that particular segment, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century, so I have a good idea of both the process and what they generally want prior authorization for, as well as all the costs and inefficiencies in the system (it's "cost reduction" in that a great many people just give up on the process and go without their treatment entirely). And frankly, insurance companies shouldn't be the authority on whether you "need" a given treatment -- that's the entire point of your doctor -- or whether it's dangerous -- that's the point of the pharmacist and the doctor.
I recommend finding out what the retail price of your medication is and make sure you have that banked, in case the insurance company wants to fight you on it in the future. This won't be the last time they push back on it, and you don't want to be without your meds when they do. It might suck to pay the retail price (though things like GoodRx can help reduce that cost), but unexpected gaps in medication plans such more.
As someone diagnosed as an adult, post college, I relate so hard!
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your story, I loved the part of coding helped you I was feeling the same I couldn’t understand the effect. I know what is being diagnosed when adult.