There is a poem in this book about an umbrella. ☂️
The rain walks in joy. The wind runs free. And I am just standing there — holding something heavy, swaying, exhausted — protected from the storm but crushed by my own protection.
I wrote that poem at my desk. Past midnight. A build running in the background. 💻
I am a developer. I build things that live inside other people's phones. I fix bugs they never notice. I push updates in silence. Thousands of people touch what I make every day — and not one of them knows I exist.
That used to feel like discipline. Mlampah ing tresno — walk in love, without needing to be seen. 🌿
But discipline and depletion look the same from the outside.
At some point I stopped asking whether I was okay. I just kept holding the umbrella.
This book is what happened when I finally let it fall. 📖
Stillness That Walks is 24 poems in three parts — Root, Growing, Sky. Not a self-help arc. Not a redemption story. Just an honest walk through what it feels like to be exhausted at the root, to find comfort and then have to leave it, to sit alone behind a glowing screen and wonder if what you build can carry anything human at all.
🌱 The cave in Part I is real.
🌦️ The drought in Part II is real.
🖥️ The square light in Part III — that's my monitor. Those ten fingers singing are me, typing at 2am, trying to find meaning inside binary logic.
There is a poem where I leave things behind for a stranger. 🤍
A book. A pencil. A song. My heart.
And one condition: do not leave the sun without greeting it. ☀️
That's the whole book, honestly. Not the grief, not the isolation — but the insistence, even at the bottom of the cave, that the warmth is worth pausing for. That the walk continues. That something you made might reach someone you'll never meet, and that's enough.
I don't know who you are.
Maybe you're a developer too, building in the dark. 🌙 Maybe you're just someone who's been holding something heavy for too long and doesn't know how to put it down.
This book won't tell you how. But it will walk beside you.
"Nothing needs to be concluded. Nothing needs to be finished. Some things are meant to remain suspended — like an unanswered prayer, like a step that has not yet found its direction."
Thank you for walking this far. 🙏
— Cahyanudien Aziz Saputra
📱 Kindle → amazon.com/dp/B0GRCVR9PV
📖 Google Play Books → play.google.com/store/books/details?id=PhHGEQAAQBAJ=
🌐 cahyanudien.site/stillness-that-walks
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