Help Me Understand. I’m Lost

I want to learn to code. I know very little and seem to be wasting my time at this point. I haven’t even taken one course because I’m worried I’m taking the wrong one with the wrong laptop and just doing it all wrong. I got interested in this world because I noticed everyone around me seemed to be involved in some type of secret society that involved coding/developing. It’s also really negatively effecting my life being surrounded by what I don’t understand. It seems like everywhere I go people know who I am and as if I’m a part of some game these developers play. I cannot discover what this is all about because they communicate through code. This is consuming my life.